


Jade, Drifting Away On A Raft On Your Own To A Foreign Country Does Not Sound Like A Good Idea.

by ArbitraryCrowfeather



Category: Homestuck
Genre: ALLLLLLLL THE LUCK!!!!!!!! ALL OF IT!, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, America!!, Before Sburb, Betty Crocker - Freeform, But They Appear Only In Pesterlogs, Cyberbullying, Dreambubbles, Drowning, Gen, Haha More Like Being Utterly Confused, How Does She Even Survive By This Point, Hypothermia, I Guess You Could Say She Has, Implied Child Abuse, Jade Has The Most Amazing Luck, Near To Death Situations, No AU's, Ocean, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Prospit, Prospit Dreamers - Freeform, There Are Trolls I Guess, Traveling, Well I Guess You Could Call This The Drifting Away AU, Well That Sounded Really Bad, YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, Yes Joey Is Actually In This Thing, futility, mutant cats, sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 20:27:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 24,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4451045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArbitraryCrowfeather/pseuds/ArbitraryCrowfeather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade, listen.<br/>You are nine years old.<br/>Nine year olds do not build perfect rafts in 57 minutes out of some firewood and rope they found on that weird cat mummy they encountered upon in their giant mansion.<br/>Nine year olds, when doing this, instead make poorly-built rafts.<br/>. . . . . .<br/>Jade, if you didn't get what I'm saying, that thing is probably going to sink.<br/>Jade, stop. Jade, this is a bad idea.<br/>. . .<br/>Woah. Wait. Are you seriously pushing that thing into the sea?<br/>Jade, what.<br/>Jade.<br/>Jaaaade.<br/>. . .<br/>Jade, do not jump on that raft.<br/>. . .<br/>Jade, I command you to jump off that raft and swim back to your island right now. This is for your own good, Jade.<br/>Jade there is a storm. Right there. Jade no.<br/>Sighhhhh.<br/>It is a regretful, woeful life, being outside the fourth wall.<br/>It is most certainly regretful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We Drift Off

**Author's Note:**

> so yeah this is my first fanfic  
> jade harley appreciation day is every day  
> every  
> single  
> day  
> by the way cursing is a thing in this  
> not that frequent  
> but it's still there  
> EDIT: i swear i will edit that first chapter i am horrendous at intros wow

       Your name is JADE HARLEY. You are 9 YEARS OLD, very DETERMINED, and currently RUNNING AWAY FROM HOME.

       Why?

       What do you mean, _why?_ You perfectly know the reason why! You are sick and tired of being coddled all the time by your dog!! Sure, he's always taken care of you, and has always been there to support you by your side. _Aaand_ he's technically your guardian. But for the last few months, he has taken his levels of overprotectiveness to a higher, less tolerable level than ever before! He won't let you go anywhere outside, he never has at once stopped stalking you, he patrols over you when you try to go to sleep, and yesterday, he wouldn't even let you out of your own room!

       Until today. Today, the exhaustion of his excessive guarding seems to have finally taken its toll. You peek around the corner of the couch, and you see him asleep! He is laid out in front of your stuffed grandfather, basking in the heat of the crackling, warm fireplace. You smile. He always did love sitting in front of that fire.

       He shifts a little as he's dreaming, yawning softly. Bec's probably dreaming about dog things, like fetching bullets, eating radioactive steak, and chasing omnipotent space travelling cats. You know, the usual stuff! He can be so cute when not awake, and you are sort of torn between letting him have his sleep and just running over and scooping him into your arms (even though that's physically impossible) and hugging him really, really tightly. (If you had been typing that out, you most certainly would have put a little smiley face and about five hearts next to that sentence. However, you are not, so you end up just silently cooing over him yourself.)

       ((So. Adorable.))

       You move quietly as you turn around, so you won't wake him up as he dozes on the rug. As much as you want to squeeze him to death, you should probably let him have his nap, he seems really exhausted! You start walking back to your room, giggling a little because you are being _sooo_ sneaky, leaving without waking him up like that!

       However, your happy expression soon turns into a frown, as you remember that when he does wakes up, he's just going to be more overprotective as ever. Oh no, you really don't want to deal with that again . . . . . . ughh! And then he's going get tired from guarding you, then he's going to rest, and then it'll start all over again, isn't it? You start feeling frustrated, as you slowly realize that this cycle will probably continue on for quite a while before it finally stops, and there's NOTHING you can do about it!!!

       . . . . . . Wait, what are you talking about? You _can_ do something about this! You clap your hands together in inspiration as you realize that you can, in fact, just run away!! You'll just sneak out while he's sleeping, and run off to some other place where you'll never have to feel suffocated or bothered by Bec again! He'll understand, it's about time you've gained responsibility for yourself, and he'll be able to get some well-deserved rest after taking care of you for so long as well. You're 9 years old, you're a mature, determined young woman, and it's about time you started flying out of the nest!!

       You immediately run to the transportalizer, go through several of the ancient things, and finally arrive at your room. You take a quick look around, and then start grabbing as much stuff as you can! Pretty soon, you gather all of your favorite things, your lunch top, some various tools, all with about as many cans of food as you can carry. You captchalogue them all into your sylladex in a quick flash. If you hurry fast enough, you'll have enough time to initiate your plan of escape! You then hurriedly transportalize downstairs.

       As you enter the room where Bec is sleeping, you make sure to keep your footsteps as silent as possible. You creep slowly towards the edge of the couch, feeling stealthy. Like one of those ninjas Dave is always talking about! Yes. You are the coolest, stealthiest ninja in the world, and you keep repeating that thought in your head as you peek over the old, antique furniture, and the various life-sized dolls sitting on the couches. (You find them weird, but you want to be polite to Grandpa's companions, so you just smile awkwardly at them.) You almost sigh in relief as you see Bec is still where he was before. Luckily, you close your mouth shut before you make any noise that might wake him up!  
       

      You curl up into a ball and ninja roll across the space between the two couches. You manage to do this while not humming out loud the song that suddenly gets stuck in your head. It was from one of the movies John had sent you for your birthday. . . Spy Biz? Shy Kids? Sly Liz?? Whatever.

       You wave a final goodbye to your grandpa as you go on your way.

 

 

      As you are about to leave the tower, a silent thought starts lurking into your mind. Is this really such a good idea? Do you really want to leave this tower?  
      .  
      .  
      .  
      Uh, of course! Why would you even question yourself about that?! You have been waiting for weeks to leave the tower! Why would you have any doubts about that . . . ?  
      .  
      .  
      .  
      Oh. It has just occurred to you why.

      You forgot to equip your trusty rifle!

      You can just imagine Grandpa now. He would probably be very disappointed in you and would severely scold you for the whole thing. "I can't believe you almost forgot your rifle! Harleys never forget their rifles! Ever!" You know he would do this because that is what you are doing to yourself right now.

      After yelling at yourself continuously for two minutes, you, embarrassed, get the rifle from its stand on the wall, and walk on.

 

     

      As you travel across the island, you again internally question yourself if this is a good idea. Do you even have a plan for what you'll do when you run away?

      Why are you asking yourself that when you perfectly know what you're doing, and obviously DO have a plan? In fact, you'll start going over it. Again.

      Your plan is to go to the shores of the island, build a raft, and float away to the U.S.A. There you would go to one of your friends' homes, and they could take you in to live with them! You already knew their addresses, and it was just a matter of navigating some maps and things to reach them. Of course, this would be a surprise, so you obviously wouldn't tell them about it! You smile as you imagine how shocked and happy they would be when you knock on their door.

      You are fully confident this plan will work because you read about it in a book!

 

 

     You finally reach the outskirts of the island. You sit down for a while, catching your breath, laying your rifle down on the grass beside you. You take in a deep gust of sea breeze, and exhale, listening to the sounds of the waves on the shore for a few minutes. You need some time to calm down a little after all this excitement! Even Harleys have to rest sometimes. After the relaxing break, you get up, and take out the pile of logs that you had captchalogued earlier. These were originally going to be cut down into smaller pieces and used for firewood, but this is a much better use for them anyway! You took out the rope you had also captchalogued, and set it down next to the pile of logs. Finally, you open your lunchtop, and look up how to make a raft.

      You crack your knuckles and start getting down to some serious business.

 

 

     After 57 minutes of bruises, splinters, scratches, and rope burns, you finally stand back and look down at your masterpiece. Your raft is amazing! You are certain it is the best raft in the world, and you confirm this as you survey the knots here and there, the large, wooden oars, and the crooked little flag waving in the air. Of course it is amazing. You are a Harley, and if you couldn't make everything you did the best it could be, you might as well throw yourself into the fireplace and arrange your funeral.

     You pack up all the leftover wood and rope, and start pushing the raft into the sea.


	2. We Sail On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woof

      Your name is JADE HARLEY, and you lie down on the raft as it moves up and down, and gaze at the waves as they move past you. Being on water than reading about it is much more different than you'd thought it would be! Everything keeps on going up, and then down, and then up again.

      You decide that now would be a good time to review over your status.

      First of all, that (Spy Liz? Sky Chiz?) song is STILL stuck in your head after all this time. Ugh.

      You feel . . . weird (you would almost say you felt doubtful, but that wouldn't make sense because you are definitely not). Also, your stomach feels a little sick, which is obviously just a figment of your imagination! Wow, what sort of person would you be if you actually felt like that? You roll your eyes at the thought. Probably some sort of scaredy cat . . . . . .

      . . . . . . (And you totally are not thinking about how you're surrounded by water and the waves seem a little bit bigger and how you're in THE ocean and about that one story you heard from Grandpa about that shark attack when you were little and is that a dark shadow in the water over there-)

      You rid your mind of thoughts that were never in your head, and take out your lunchtop so you can check where you are.

      It's been about an hour since you've set course for America, and looking at the GPS app on your lunchtop, it seems like you're heading in the right direction! Everything is going perfectly fine, like you planned it would. There is nothing going wrong at all.

      Yes.

      Perfectly fine.

      Completely wonderful.

. . . . . .

      Also, the weather is really nice! The sun is shining, and the raft is moving perfectly with the rhythm of the waves. It's like when Grandpa used to rock you in a crib when you were really little. The gentle breeze whisking past you is turning into a soothing lullaby, and your spot in the middle of the raft is really warm and cozy . . . . . . with everything going so well, it couldn't hurt to take . . . a little . . . . . .

      You wake yourself up right before you fall outright asleep! What are you even thinking, you can't just fall asleep in the middle of the darn ocean like that! Bad Jade!

      You take off your glasses and rub your eyes as you wake yourself up from your half-asleep daze. As you put your glasses back on, you notice that your pesterchum screen is blinking excessively. You wonder who it is as you click on the window, then smile as you see it is one of your friends!

 

 

\--gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 3:40 P.M \--  
GG: hi john!!  
GT: oh, there you are.  
GG: what's up??  
GT: i just finished watching spykids! again.  
GG: so thats what its called!!  
GT: what?  
GG: oh, nothing.

     You make a mental note of the movie name in your head.

GT: oh, okay.  
GT: but it is sooo awesome!   
GT: everything and everyone is just so coooool.  
GT: real spies!  
GT: ONLY SMALLER.  
GG: :D  


     You think it is really cute how John is basically married to his movies.

GT: sooo cool.  
GG: sooo coool.  
GT: B)  
GG: XD  
GT: oh yeah!  
GG: :?  
GT: you know my birthday?  
GG: yeah! its in like. . . three weeks, right?  
GT: uh-huh.  
GT: so rose and dave are being super sneaky about not telling me what they're getting for my birthday present.  
GT: like, suuuuuuuuper sneaky.  
GG: ninja sneaky?  
GT: yeah! ninja sneaky.  
GT: it's a little bit frutrstating.  
GT: . . . i think that's how you spell it.  
GG: yeah, thats how you spell it.  
GT: oh, okay!  
GT: so anyway, i need help on trying to figure out what they're getting me.  
GG: but isnt not knowing what it is part of what makes it so fun?  
GG: as overrated as that sounds. bluh.  
GT: well, yeah, that's true.   
GT: but trying to find out what it is is even funner!  
GG: that's true too. >:D  
GT: >:B  
GT: now to figure out what they got me! hm . . .  
GG: hmmmm . . .

      You take this moment to see if you remember anything from the clouds in your dreams. You've only started seeing them a week ago, when you woke up one day and found yourself in a golden kingdom with white-shelled people, and spent the entire time being confused and flying around everywhere. There, you were some sort of. . . princess? Anyway, you only figured out that the clouds in the sky predicted the future yesterday, when you were trying to figure out how to shoot a harpoon so you could get out of your room from the window, and you suddenly remembered seeing yourself doing the exact same thing in the clouds you saw while dreaming. So yesterday night you focused on the stuff in the clouds a lot, and now you have a chance to use the stuff you learned (which wasn't a lot) in real life . . .  
      . . . Nope. You don't remember anything about birthday presents. In fact, you don't think you remember anything!! Great. You should probably think of some sort of way to remember the stuff in your dreams. Maybe something with colors . . . that'd be nice . . .

GT: i can't think of anything. what about you?  
GG: me neither.  
GT: oh well.  
GT: wait!  
GT: you can tell me what you're getting for my birthday, right?  
GT: wait, don't tell me.  
GT: i'm going to guess until i get it right!  
GT: is it a . . .  
GT: signed poster?  
GG: nope!  
GT: movie?  
GG: nope!  
GT: a rotten pumpkin full of squiddles and guns?  
GT: no offense, but that was a really weird gift. plus the pumpkin got all over my stuff, and dad freaked out when he saw the guns.  
GG: i didnt know it was going to rot!   
GT: suuure, jade. SURE.  
GT: i am sitting here, in my chair, looking at the screen very suspciosously (i probably spelled that wrong) in my fedora and beagle-puss glasses.  
GT: SUREEE.  
GG: :P  
GT: so, what is it?  
GG: not telling!  
GG: it'll spoil the surprise!!  
GT: :B  
GG: ill give you a hint, though . . .  
GG: its going to be something totally unexpected! and i think youll like it!  


At least you hope he does. And technically you're talking about only one of the presents. Which is you. 

GG: i mean, i hope you do!  
GT: jade, to tell you the truth, i don't really care too much about the present!  
GG: . . .  
GT: like, this might sound really cliche or something, but . . .  
GT: i'm just really happy and glad that it's from you . . . and that you care about me!  
GT: because you're my friend!  
GG: . . . oh!   
GG: aww, thanks john!  
GT: unless the present's nic cage.  
GT: then i will probably scream and hug you.  
GT: somehow.  
GT: even though you are billions of miles away from me in the middle of the ocean.

      Oh, if only he knew. . .

GG: well, lets just hope that that can happen some day!  
GT: yeah!  
GT: oh wait, i have to go.  
GT: dad says we have to go to the dadly depot.  
GT: AGAIN.  
GT: he buys so much shaving cream! it's not even funny anymore.  
GG: i wish you good luck on surviving your tiring journey!  
GT: i'm gonna need it.  
GT: bye jade!  
GG: bye!  
\--ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 4:13 P.M\--

 

 

      Arriving on John's doorstep on his birthday is going to be the best present ever!! Along with the other present you've prepared for him. . .

      You look up from your lunchtop to see that the winds have picked up slightly more than before, and the waves are starting to slosh over the edges of your raft. You make a note to yourself to get logs to put at the edges of the raft the next time you build one.

      You open up the window to the GPS app again, and smile as you see you're still sailing in the right direction. You should be reaching California in . . . 6 days if you're lucky. A week and a half at most. You're actually just making random guesses because you don't actually know. From there, you'll travel by bus with the money in your backpack(stored safely in your sylladex), and arrive at Maple Valley just in time to say happy birthday to John!

      This was such a great idea and you wonder why you didn't initiate it before.

 

 

      3 hours later, the winds are starting to howl, and you're starting to feel a little nervous. . . NOT! Jade Harley does not get nervous. She is a calm, collected 9 year old who is much too mature for that sort of nonsense. So instead, you focus on the positive. The raft is traveling at a much higher speed now, and the day is slowly turning into the night. There is probably going to be a really pretty sunset soon . . . if there is even any sun at all. It is overtaken by the grey clouds swirling in the far, far west if you squint, and they're slowly drifting east, where you are. But the raft is traveling faster now, and if not, you can use the oars, so you'll be able to escape those clouds! Right? Right.

      (You do not like the look of those clouds and you are slowly panicking as you imagine the worst that could happen-)

      Hahahaha, silly you, you forgot to eat in the midst of this excitement! You take out one of the cans of food and open it with a can-opener, and keep on glancing back and forth from the clouds to your food as you eat the yucky tuna that's inside. Bluh. But you're in the sea, and so you are going to eat sea food! To fit with the circumstances, you know. . .?

      (You're actually just preparing yourself for when you run out of food and have to fish to survive so that you can get used to the taste and maybe you won't cry as much about having to do such awful things under such dreadful circumstances-)

      YOU PUT THE LUNCHTOP IN YOUR SYLLADEX SO IT WON'T GET WET FROM THE WAVES SPLASHING OVER THE RAFT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMART AND CALM AND HAVE YOUR SENSES ABOUT WITH YOU AND ARE NOT PANICKING ABOUT THIS SITUATION.

      (But you won't have any of your senses with you when you finally go underneath those black, black waves, and some terrible, monstrous thing from the deep comes up to devour you-)

       You decide you're not that hungry anymore and put your tuna back in your sylladex. Maybe you should try going to sleep. You haven't slept in a while after all, and maybe you can look into the clouds and see what lies ahead in your future!

      (Death, doom, sinking rafts, raging storms, gifts that were never given-)

      Then again, you could stay awake a little longer. At least until you sail out the storm.

      (Or drown.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seriously I finished formatting that pesterlog at 4:13 I didn't plan this out I swear  
> also ive been on a boat before and it was horrendous
> 
> also comments oh my gosh you people are so nice


	3. We Watch And Wait

    Your name is still JADE HARLEY, and as you curl into yourself in the middle of your raft, trying not to get wet by the waves that are now smashing into the sides, your pesterchum begins blinking again. But you don't think you should take out your lunchtop now.

    You decide that was a very good idea when a giant wave pushes your raft forward, almost tipping the entire thing over, leaving you soaked and gasping for air.

 

 

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 7:25 P.M\--  
AG: H8y, loser.  
AG: Wow, I can't 8elieve that you're actually going through with this.  
AG: Sometimes I wonder why you're so stupid, just like your friends. Then again . . . am I really that surprised?  
AG: Whatever. Nighty-night. ;;;;)  
\--arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 7:26 P.M\--

 

 

       You are now awake, sitting up on your bed. You're taking in huge gulps of air, and your hands are trembling, while your heart beats at an alarming pace. Slowly, you calm down, and slow your breathing, and then lean back on the headboard. You are certain that you were dreaming about something terrible, but you can't remember for the life of you what it was! Whatever. If it was terrible as how you reacted when waking up, it's probably a good thing you can't think of it right now at all.

       You float out of your bed, and go towards the window. The view is the same as it's always been- golden spirals, arches, waving white flags with the symbol of Prospit upon them, buildings of every size and shape, and stairs. Lots and lots of stairs. You have received many warnings about the stairs, and so you try to avoid them whenever it is possible.

       Well, it's not like you're going to spend the entire day in your castle, right?

        You float out of your window, and fly over the vast kingdom. You wave down to the white-shelled people below-wait, what? No, silly, they're called Prospitans! Every Prospit dreamer should know that!

        You smile as you pass the Prospitans below, and fly out to the other golden tower in your area. You think it's time to pay a certain friend of yours a visit!

        As you finally reach the tower, you look through his window. There he is! All tuckered out asleep. His room is a neat one, with everything perfectly in place. Well, not everything. There are some strange drawings on the walls. Just a few, about two or three depicting . . . harlequins? You decide it's best not to pull a Rose and question your friend's unusual interests and his mental health.

        Well, you could just stay out during the eclipse and see if there's anything about him waking up in the clouds . . . but on observing the sky, it seems it's going to take some time before that can happen.

        You sigh, and float back to your tower.

        You sit on your bed, wondering if there's anything else you can do, when all of a sudden, something cold and wet hits your back, and-

 

 

        -you are now wide awake and your raft is falling apart and the waves are too strong!! You scramble and grab on to a floating log, and you are so, so confused right now. Why did you fall asleep all of a sudden like that? Was that John? How did you know all of that stuff about Prospit?? How did you even KNOW it was called Prospit?! The questions are piling up in your head, but they all get swept away when another wave turns your entire world upside down again, and you grab on to your glasses with one hand and the log with your other hand and feet. As you splash up to the surface, you thank yourself that there was nothing out on the raft that was important, and then berate yourself for thinking your idea could ever work. Look where you are now because of your idiotic plans! Stupid, dumb, dumb, stupid-

        -you grab onto another log as the clouds above you flash menacingly, and it starts to pour down rain. There's too much water everywhere, you love land, you swear you've never swallowed as much salt in your life-

        -your head goes under the water, but you fight to remain afloat, you fight as hard as you can, you think you just screamed out that word that Grandpa taught you not to say, but you're DROWNING here, damn it! You see something out in the distance, it's moving your direction, there are dark figures onboard, and-

        -you ARE NOT GOING TO DIE LIKE THIS!!

        You furiously kick your legs, and you try to remember everything Grandpa tried to teach you about swimming, and it's working, because now you're getting closer and closer to the boat, and now someone has noticed you, and there's shouting, someone is jumping into the water, you feel yourself being pulled, and you're being lifted up, and set down, and-

 

the

 

screen

 

goes

 

black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> raise your hand if you thought I was going to do one of those "it was all just a dream" endings when jade woke up on prospit


	4. We Wait Some More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hint: if you feel something is missing, highlight the area

     Black fades out.

     Then brightens to white.

     And turns to red.

     You are a majestic FIRST GUARDIAN, and you wake in the shadow of your former owner, and feel the warmth of the crackling fire in the fireplace. It is a blazing, comforting, powerful warmth. The room is filled with the echoes of pops and sizzles, and still there is a sense of quietness embracing it. The light and shadows of the fire are dancing across the dusty knick-knacks and scattered things, and there is yet, however, a stillness among the dance. There is a stillness here, like time and space are frozen, like a perfect dreambubble that never changes, like this is the center of the universe, some may say. The room . . . the room is eternal, unchanging, the perfect reflection of your being, and it feels . . . it feels of that warm, comforting presence called . . . home.

     But you have no time for silly, babbling prose. (This is a joke, because you have all the time in the world.)

     You yawn, and get up, blinking sleep away from your eyes. You are a little hungry, but that can wait.

     Jade always comes first.

    

     You teleport up to her room.

     As the green crackles snap out of your vision, the first thing you notice is that it seems more empty than it should be. Sure, there are some of her dolls scattered on the floor, and there are still rifles mounted up beside her bed, and there are plants hanging from the ceiling, with colorful posters giving the room a cheery feel. But all the machines are missing, her favorite squiddle is gone, she had a lunchtop, where is the lunchtop, and . . .

     And Jade isn't there.

     You feel a developing sense of panic as you teleport throughout the house and each room shows she isn't there. Some of them are missing things, and some of them have a scent of Jade, but you are by now too panic-stricken to think of trying to follow the scent.

     By now you are furiously teleporting in and out of places on the island, and your view is a blurred mix of green and brown and blue and yellow. You can not see Jade, you can not hear her, you can not FEEL her presence, and you are now growling in frustration and agony as your powers prove to be worthless in finding her-

     -You stop, sit, and snarl, as you try to keep yourself sane. KILL The animals on the island sense you, ferocious and about to break, and they hide in their homes, shivering from your ruthless anger. The island is silent, as you teleport back to the house, and into her room.

     You pace. You stop. You sniff the air. You finally come to the conclusion to search for her by her scent.

     You follow the trail viciously, letting nothing stop in your way. You tear through rooms, you charge outside, and by this time, the scent's path is straight, so you run straight, and you feel rocks under your paws, and then the ground gets softer and softer until you are half-sinking in it, and you look up.

     You look up and see seagulls soaring in the air, see the waves crashing against the shore, and smell the sea breeze covering everything. You scan the shores, but she stopped right here. She stopped right here. You are reminded of the high and low tides of the shore, and you know that this is the low tide. She must have stopped here at the high tide. But why-

     As realization suddenly strikes,

     the world

     turns 

     **GREEN**.

NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONON

 

 

* * *

 

\--ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 9:00 P.M\--  
GT: hi jade!  
GT: me and dad stayed at the depot longer than i thought we would.  
GT: he bought sooo much shaving cream. it was like he was trying to buy all that the store had! and then he saw the industrial sized bottles, and it pretty much went all downhill from there. how can one person be so obsessed with shaving their face??  
GT: but then again, this is dad we're talking about.  
GT: . . . . . .  
GT: hello?? jade??  
GT: are you on right now?  
GT: i guess you're not.  
GT: talk to you later jade!  
\--ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 9:02 P.M\--

 

* * *

 

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 11:45 P.M\--  
CG: WHY DON'T YOU REALIZE HOW FUCKING SHITTY YOUR SAD HUMAN EXISTENCE IS AND SUFFOCATE YOURSELF WITH ONE OF YOUR STUPID TANGLE-FUCKERS, SO YOU CAN DO EVERYONE IN EVERY SINGLE UNIVERSE A GIANT FUCKING FAVOR.  
CG: IN SIMPLER WORDS, FUCK YOU.  
\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 11:45 P.M\--

 

* * *

 

\--ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 2:45 P.M\--  
GT: hi jade!  
GT: are you on right now?  
GT: oh well.  
GT: bye!  
\--ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 2:46 P.M\--

 

\--ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 4:30 P.M\--  
GT: jaaade.  
GT: jade are you on?  
GT: at least answer me or something.  
\--ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 4:31 P.M\--

 

* * *

 

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 5:00 P.M\--  
TG: sup  
TG: listen to these sick beats  
TG: http://tinyurl.showtimeremix  
TG: me and john worked together on that  
TG: speaking of john  
TG: hes looking for you  
TG: hes nagging me and rose about how youre not answering him  
TG: and everyone and their goat can see that hes slowly starting to freak out  
TG: but he doesnt understand theres nothing to be worried about because youre probably going off doing some island stuff or something  
TG: what do you even do where you live  
TG: sit all day in your tower play with your dog is that really all you do  
TG: how do you even pester us im pretty sure the last time i checked there were no schools in the middle of the ocean how do you know how to type and read  
TG: this is getting too confusing so im just going to stop thinking about it right now  
TG: so anyway   
TG: im not worried about you  
TG: obviously  
TG: but john is  
TG: im trying to tell him to calm down and chill  
TG: then he gets all snappy at me and tells me hes fine  
TG: but then every five minutes he switches the subject around back to you again  
TG: its annoying  
TG: or it would be if I was capable of being annoyed  
TG: but im not because we both know im way too cool for that  
TG: still  
TG: you should go talk to him  
TG: the poor kid is turning into a nervous breakdown as we speak and he would be so fucking thankful if you pestered him  
TG: and also he would stop annoying me  
TG: even though he physically cant because as said before  
TG: im too cool to get pissed off  
TG: yeah  
TG:  
TG:  
\--turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 5:12 P.M\--

  

  

    Your name is DAVE STRIDER and you are so deep into the pit of denial, the pit had to be evacuated out of the ground and into the emergency medical section of the hospital because the pit is sure you're a parasite and that it's gonna die in 5 minutes oh wait nope it's already dead nurse inform the pit's parents to call everyone in their phone book because we are going to be weeping at the pit's funeral and okay you admit that one kind of got away from you.

    You temporarily stop being DAVE STRIDER and keep on reading the god damn text already there was nothing to see here and there has never been.

 

* * *

 

 

 --ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 4:30 P.M\--  
GT: jade, i'm starting to get a little worried!  
GT: i asked dave and rose if you pestered them, but they said you didn't since yesterday morning!  
GT: jade, are you okay?  
\--ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 4:31 P.M\--

 

* * *

 

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 5:00 P.M\--  
TT: Jade, everyone is becoming worried about you.  
TT: Which, of course, is perfectly reasonable because you live alone on an island with your pet dog.  
TT: I am only slightly concerned, as I am sure if you were in any trouble you would contact us immediately.  
TT: But it makes one a little . . . apprehensive.  
TT: And sometimes one can be a little unsure in their reasoning and confidence.  
TT: Jade, what I am saying is,  
TT: Please answer us if you can.  
\--tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 5:01 P.M\--

 

     

 

 

     Your name is ROSE LALONDE, and you are LOOKING out your WINDOW, staring ~~worriedly~~ down at your BACKYARD.

    Your friend, Jade, has not responded to any of her pesterchum messages. This does not mean you should be anxious about this. You have reasoned to yourself that she had something to do on her island, and is so busy, that she can not answer you, John, or Dave. If you are feeling a little unsure about this theory, it is because you are merely a little bit concerned for her even if there is good reason you shouldn't, as all good friends should be. Yes. There is no evidence to conclude that something bad has happened to her. So you are not worried. You are not worried at all.

    John has not, however, followed your example, and is simply jumping with nerves. You have deducted from Dave's tone when you pestered him that he was not particularly happy with John's state. When Dave was pestering him, John had changed the subject back to Jade (quoted) "every five fucking goddamn minutes like seriously jc calm your tits". Even if he protested from your observations of his tone, and stated that he was "not annoyed" by John's nervousness, you were not fooled by his childish façade. You are never fooled by anyone's façades. Nobody fools Rose Lalonde.

    Suddenly a green flash alerts you out of your train of thought. You blink, then widen your eyes as you see that there is now a huge white dog on the ground that was not there before. It looks . . . ready to kill. This, admittedly, makes you crouch to the floor ~~in fear~~ , with only the top of your head peeking out so you can still see what's going on. You are a little uncertain of what it would do if it saw you  ~~gawking~~ observing it. You watch as it sniffs the air, growls, then suddenly vanish just as quickly as it had appeared. It leaves behind radioactive-green crackles of . . . something. You can't quite tell what it is, but you get the idea that the dog was not an ordinary dog.

    You stand in front of the window for a few minutes (meaning that you stare and gape unattractively outside for three minutes).

    You finally lay down on your back, going over your mind and trying to figure out if you were delusional or not. After analyzing it, you are perfectly sure that you are, not in fact, delusional. So then what was that what you just saw?

    Some thinking leads you to three conclusions.

    If you are right in your comparisons between her descriptions and the beast in your backyard, that was Jade's dog, Bec.

    Bec was viciously looking for something or someone, and by logic, it was most preferably Jade.

    If his behavior was an indicator by any means, something very, very bad has happened to Jade.

    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i took so much time trying to figure out timezones for this
> 
> also if you needed to figure out dates/times
> 
> jade leaves island: saturday, march 30th 2002  
> bec wakes up: 8:00 P.M, same day as she left  
> also  
> "tangle-fuckers"


	5. And Some More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh wow the crow finally updated
> 
> this is for all you Egbert lovers

       Your name is JOHN EGBERT, and introductions are stupid, dang it, your friend Jade is probably in some HUGE trouble! You were talking to her about birthday presents yesterday, and then you had to go to THAT PLACE so you stopped pestering her, and when you finally came back from THAT PLACE you pestered her again, but she didn't respond, and so you decided she was busy, then you pestered her a few more times all day, but she STILL HASN'T RESPONDED AND NOW YOU'RE REALLY ANXIOUS BECAUSE SOMETHING BAD MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED TO HER!!

        _You are **sooo** worried_.

       This is why you are pacing between your bed and your computer with your hands behind your back and staring grimly at the floor. The suspense would kill if this was a movie. Or an anime.

       

       But . . . you can't be worried forever!

       Rose and Dave say that she's okay and probably just had to attend to something on her island or go on some sort of adventure or something. Which seems . . . actually fairly reasonable to you! If you were her you would totally go about exploring that island! And you'd act out so many Cast Away scenes. So. Many. Cast Away. Scenes.

       Or . . . she could be pranking you! Like, haha, with all those cool and awesome pranks you play on me John, I'm going to get you back by playing a prank on you! If that's the case, wow. You really should try to teach her about the differences between a good prank and a bad prank someday.

       

       Now that you think about it, you're probably just making a huge deal out of nothing. Jade's fine! She just had to go do something for some reason, and will start pestering you right away when she's done adventuring/pranking/reenacting movie scenes, so there's nothing to worry about.

       In fact, you bet that Jade is going to pester you right now!

       .

       .

       .

       After sitting at the computer for 20 minutes, you decide that it might be a good idea to kill some time while you're waiting for her.

       Dave's chumhandle starts blinking at that thought, but you ignore it. You don't really feel up to chatting with the guy for now. The dude can hold his darn horses.

       You instead decide to go downstairs and check the mail. But sneakily! Unless you want a certain hat wearing, pastry baking person to monopolize hours of your time. Yep. Don't want that to happen.

 

       

* * *

 

 

       Said hat wearing pastry baking person stands in front of the oven, taking out a fresh batch of cookies.

       Overhead, you hear the sounds of floorboards creaking, and someone sneaking down the steps as if they don't want anyone to hear them. All of a sudden there is a small yelp, followed by several thuds and a loud crash. You immediately put down the cookies onto the kitchen counter, take off your oven mitts, and run towards the sound.

      

       

* * *

 

 

       Owwwwww. That hurt. A lot. Dave would be laughing right now if he could see you. I WARNED YOU ABOUT THE STAIRS BRO! I WARNED YOU, DAWG! Jerk.

       You hear fast footsteps coming towards you, and you groan a little internally. Great. Along with some bruises, now you're going to have to deal with being bothered by your dad!

      

      

* * *

 

 

       "Are you okay, son?"

       "Yeah dad. I'm fine. I just slipped on some stairs."

      

 

* * *

 

      

       Despite your weak protests, your dad picks you up and sets you down on the couch, checking you over for any injuries of any kind.

       Ugh. So annoying.

 

      

* * *

 

 

       There doesn't seem to be anything broken. However, he does have a couple of small bruises on his legs and arms. You walk back to the kitchen and get out an ice pack from the refrigerator. You wrap it into a towel, and then go back to the living room.

      

       

* * *

 

 

        When you see your dad come back in with the ice pack, you sigh and internally roll your eyes. You could have gotten it yourself!

        You tell him you can take care of your bruises by yourself as you receive the ice pack. You proceed to go back upstairs as he reminds you to not take the towel off and apply the pack directly to your skin. And to watch out for the stairs next time. And if you need anything just tell me. And bla bla, worried parent dad stuff, more advice you already know, et cetera, et cetera.

        You open the door and walk into your room, closing it behind you.

 

       

* * *

 

 

        After you stand there and listen to the door closing, you walk back into the kitchen.

        You lean against the countertop and sigh. John seems to be avoiding you these days. You've tried to figure out why, but you have now accepted that you just don't know. Even if you two DO meet, the confrontations with him these days don't end up too well. He always seems . . . so ANNOYED by everything you do. Like you're doing something wrong. Always embarrassed, or exasperated, or irked-

        But this is normal. You tell yourself that this is normal and will pass soon.

        Right. He probably just is growing into that phase where he needs some time to himself. Some independence. Right.

       

 

* * *

 

       

 

        You lie down on your bed, staring at the ceiling while pressing the ice pack to a bruise on your arm.

        Your computer screen starts flashing again, so you sit up and go over to see who's pestering you now, if it's Dave rapping again then you'll just slump back to your bed, if it's Rose, you'll do the same, you've had enough psycho-analyzing for the day, and oh gosh what if it's one of those TROLLS-

         You nearly fall from your chair when you see exactly who it is.

 


	6. A Sudden Rush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look whos back after two months of complete silence  
> i was away from my nest for some time  
> caw caw

\--ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 4:35 P.M\--  
GT: oh no.  
CG: HA.  
CG: YOU THOUGHT I WAS GONE. YOU THOUGHT I DISAPPEARED FROM YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU PRESSED YOUR FUCKING BLOCK BUTTON WITH YOUR PRIMITIVE STUPID HUMAN MOUSE.  
CG: THINK A FUCKING GAIN.  
GT: ughhh, you people are so ANNOYING!!  
GT: leave me alone!  
CG: NOPE.  
GT: i really am not in the mood for this right now!  
GT: my friend's gone missing and i don't know where she is and i'm just really frustrated, so can you just go away?!  
CG: I KNOW YOUR FRIEND IS MISSING, STUPID. I CAN SEE EVERYTHING FROM YOUR TIMELINE, REMEMBER? YOU UNCIVILIZED ASSHAT.  
GT: not that again!!  
GT: your ranting about being able to see everything isn't fooling anyone, you know? >:B  
CG: BELIEVE WHAT YOU WANT.  
CG: BUT IT WON'T CHANGE THE FUCKING TRUTH.  
GT: whatever. just leave me alone!  
CG: YEAH, I HEARD THE FIRST TIME. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.  
GT: you  
GT: ughhh  
GT: ;klds  
GT: jalnsdjlk  
CG: WOW, WHAT A SURPRISE. HE'S LOST HIS FUCKING SHIT.  
GT: asdkdlMQOLNSKAFJUST GO AWAY AND GET OUT OF MY LIFE, YOU JERK!!

\--ghostyTrickster [GT} blocked carcinoGenticist [CG] at 4:47 P.M\--

 

* * *

 

         When you wake up on the floor of your tower, the first thing you think is that your name is JADE HARLEY . The second thought in your mind is-wow, did you really fall asleep again? You and your sleeping habits these days. So annoying.

         You are about to get back up when all of a sudden, something strikes your consciousness  
 

        

          You open your eyes and see that all of a sudden, there is grass around you, and there are horrible, horrible things in the sky, and you are mortified as your vision flickers between this and Prospit, this horrible place and Prospit, and you become so bewildered you take a step backward and all of a sudden you are falling out your window, no, a volcano, your volca-never mind, reverting back to the tower, and it doesn't matter because you're FALLING AND YOU CAN'T STOP, until you finally hit the twisting, changing ground with a sickening crack.

           The pain doesn't distract you from your cracking reality. You try to close your eyes, but you can still sense the rifts between space and time, where at once it seems a malleable concept and in another it seems a strange, far-off reality. What is happening?!

          You feel something cold rest on your arm. You lift your head up from your arms and stare into the black eyes of a concerned Prospitan. They must have seen you crying, and come over to see what's wrong. You are about to speak when all of a sudden everything shifts again, and the only thing you see before you put down your head again is the Prospitan's eyes widening, and them stepping back as if they were alarmed.

          You sit there, cowering, until you suddenly feel yourself being lifted up and carried in someone's arms. You can't really concentrate on anything right now except your aching migraine, so you just curl into yourself and try not to move too much as you hear the fast pitter-patter of feet running along the stone street, as banners of gold stream past you and various figures of white turn to see what's going on.

          And you

                       just

                              close

                                       your

                                              eyes

       


	7. Wake Up, Don't Be Scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, HIGHLIGHT anything you feel is missing  
> i love using white text

        Life has become a single pattern to you. This is funny because you are a FIRST GUARDIAN, and patterns are not things you follow.

        It's almost as if your existence has started to mock itself.

        It's rather simple, really. You flash out of existence. Into existence. Look around. Survey your surroundings. You growl.

        And it repeats itself.

        This would be sort of calming if you weren't so panicked right now, and destroying things in your path. You never think, you never stop, you never take a second to calm yourself, because all that's running through your mind is

"jadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejadejade"

 

 

* * *

 

 

         Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and a cool dude like you should really just be chilling out right now. Which you are. Obviously.

         It's just that . . . if some dude's friend who is one of the only three friends he has in the world that is pretty much awesome in their own way and fucking fantastic in general stops pestering you for two days when you've literally pestered each other every single day like no kidding every single fucking day and is additionally now under suspicion of having gotten into some deep shit, then sometimes you sort of have to sit down for a minute or two, y'know? Give yourself some time to let it all sink in. You're chill, but not downright stone-cold heartless.

         So yeah. That's what you're doing right now.

         Just . . . chilling out.

         There's really nothing to see here.

 

* * *

 

        

          Your name is ROSE LALONDE, and you are pacing back and forth across your room, going over your new discovery.

          Something bad has happened to Jade something bad has happened to Jade something bad has happened to Jade

          Stop. Breathe.

         

          So what if something bad happened to her? It's not like you're helping the situation by being worried.

          At times like this you need to be composed. Cool. Sensible. It's what you do. It is what you're known for. Rose Lalonde is never bested by any situation.

          Ever.

 

          You can find somewhere to start formulating a plan instead. Yes. Take all of your observations, write them down, analyze the situation, _calm yourself_ , make a plan, relay the news to your friends, calm them down, tell them your plan, review over it and exchange suggestions on it, initiate the final version, and finally, reach your goal. It's that simple.

          So that's what you start doing.

 

* * *

 

 

           You are a simple FATHER, and you hear the sound of something falling to the floor upstairs, accompanied by loud, angry stomping, concluding with a final thump and muffled screaming. John must have been angered severely by something. That's strange. You'll have to calm him down and ask what's wrong. Maybe you can make this into a chance to finally interact and converse with your son since god-knows-when.

           You set down the newspaper and start your ascent up the stairs.

 

* * *

 

          

           Your name is JADE HARLEY, and you hear the sound of urgent whispering. Large doors being opened. Quick footsteps echoing through a large, vast area. Another set of doors opened. Being lifted down. "Your Highness." Being lifted up again. Slower movements. The echo of steady, light footsteps coming towards you. A gentle hand resting on your shoulder.

           You open your eyes, and see the face of the White Queen, who's expression slowly turns into one of surprise. You close your eyes, as yet again the scenery changes back into that dreadful, lonely place . . . 

           A firm, determined voice calling for someone. People moving. The feeling of being carried. This goes on for a long time.

           A door opened. Being slowly put down. The warm, soft covers of a bed embracing you.

           Several people rushing into the room, out of the room. Low voices, whispering.

           You slowly fall asleep . . . . . .

          

 

 


	8. Calm Yourself

              You issue out orders throughout the servants in the castle, walking down the hallway hurriedly.

              You are the WHITE QUEEN, and it is your duty to take care of all the people of the land. The simple pawns, the knights, the bishops, and the two dreamers, and the Heir of Breath and the Witch of Space, who sleep in the golden towers standing tall in the sky. This responsibility is your most important responsibility as a Queen, and the most difficult, but rewarding one as well.

              Today a pawn, a simple PARCEL-MISTRESS, was walking along the streets, when she saw something. A human, with long black hair and yellow robes, curled up on the gold ground before the large tower looming over her. It was no question who it was, she said. She continued, saying she had rushed over to see what was wrong, and do you know how the Hero of Space's eyes are green, such a lovely, vivid green, Your Highness? Well, as soon as she had opened her eyes, they had been flashing, from green to . . . . She did not need to finish, as she stood there in silence. You had seen for herself.

              White may be the color of your citizens and land, but it is not the color which is supposed to replace the jade of her eyes.

              She had not gone over to the other side yet. She had kept up a surprisingly fierce battle, her eyes moving from green, to white, to green, to white, all the while not even noticing the few tears that had fell down her face. Seeing such a painful struggle, you wished dearly that you would never have to see any suffering of the sort from any of your citizens, no, ANYONE in the universe again.

              Being the Queen, you simply had to assist. You think it was more for keeping yourself from breaking apart than from hers, sometimes.

              All the scholars were rapidly looking up facts, things, anything to help find a cure in the palace books. Servants rushed to and fro, warning everyone of the situation and trying to find someone who could help, or trying to help themselves. The entire kingdom was in a silent, yet panicked state.

              You had to be strong for them. You consoled them, you asked for status reports, you did all you could in your power.

              You are still doing everything you can.

 

* * *

 

 

              Your name is JOEY CLAIRE, and you are a VETERINARIAN on a boat that is being rocked back and forth by the swirling, angry storm outside. You were traveling back from your recent trip to Australia, where you were taking part in an expedition with other veterinarians from around the world. Now you are going back to your hometown, Hauntswitch, or at least you were before a girl had been spotted drowning in the ocean from on deck. Luckily the crew had saved her, and now she was resting in a small cot, after she was quickly treated for hypothermia. The crew isn't really sure what to do. She's very close to dying, you've heard whispered around the boat, and where are her guardians? How did she get out there?

              You captchalogue the book you were reading in your sylladex, and decide that's enough excitement for the night. You turn off the lights and go to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

              You rush down the streets, delivering mail to everyone as you always do. You are a simple PARCEL-MISTRESS, and today there seems to be more mail than usual. It's probably because of the sudden shock of news that the Witch of Space was almost on the verge of death. Rumors are flying about everywhere, and even though the kingdom is silent, it is a buzzed, fearful silence, which everyone can feel.

               You do hope she will be all right. She looked quite pitiful when you had seen her.

 

* * *

 

 

              Your name is JADE HARLEY . . .  or is your name really JADE HARLEY? Gosh, you don't know, your head is hurting SO MUCH right now! You toss and turn in your bed, trying to fight the visions of the dark, weird, creepy, HORRIBLE things that flicker in the sky. You should have never gone into the ocean! Freezing to death IS a thing that exists, duh!! Stupid, dumb, stupid, stupid-

              Your thoughts are cut off again by another violent jerk that courses through your body. You're having quite the fever, and you don't know what to do about it AND feel humiliated at the same time. A silly fever is going to be your DOWNFALL!!!!!

              It really does hurt your head though!!

              Oh no, you almost completely forgot!! Your friends!! When was the last time you had pestered them? You can't bring yourself to remember. They must be worried sick about you!

              You really don't feel like pestering them now, though. The colors would probably blind you, and make your head hurt even more!!

              You feel awful and dumb and useless because you CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOUR SITUATION!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

* * *

 

 

              A man sits on top of the roof, mending a puppet as the sun is about to set on the horizon.  The puppet's name is CAL. The man's preferred name is BRO.    

              The man wonders how much string it's going to take to mend him up this time. And about the shitty article Game Bro released today. And if ninja stars are better suited for the microwave than the sink.

              Yeah, he's a sort of . . . an eccentric guy.

              All of a sudden, there's a green flash on the roof. The man looks up from his puppet, and sees a white dog growling at him.

              The man has several observations to make about this dog.

              Damn, that thing is big. What breed is it? Also, there's a ton of green crackles snapping in the air. Yeah. That's cool. Holy shit, is that blood on its fur? What the fuck. That is sick.

              The dog takes a step forward, bristling as if it might attack if the man makes a single, tiny move. The man stares at the dog. The dog stares back.

              This goes on for a minute.

              The dog finally snaps at him, as if saying, "Maybe not this time, but when we meet again . . ." and vanishes with a loud SNAP.

              The man shrugs. He's seen weirder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and then the next time they met bec stabbed him in the chest haha im going to go hide in the closet while my inbox blows up because of that comment just now


	9. Take A Break

            Your name is JOHN EGBERT, and you are so _DONE!!_

            You block that stupid troll, log out, stand up, knock your chair over, stomp angrily over to your bed, and fall down on it, screaming with frustration into your pillow.

            Basically, sort of like this:

            **"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHUGHHHHHhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhHHHHHHhhhHHHHHhhhhHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"**

            A deep breath.

            _"AAUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"_

            Another deep breath.

            "aaauUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAaaaaaaaaaaaauGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHggggggHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

            The door opening.

            "Are you okay, son-"

            "mphHHHHHHNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

            "What happened? Did something upset you?"

            Cue the rolling back and forth while clutching a pillow to your face.

            "IHATEEEEEEEVERYTHING"

            "Really, now, you haven't been this cross in months. What's wrong?"

             Flump as you finally roll onto your back and lie there in silence.

             ". . . It's okay. I can wait."

             A defeated sigh. Silence.

             Another defeated sigh.

             A muffled "Everything _suuucks_ ", followed by a sniff.

             A tentative pause.

             You feel a comforting hand on your shoulder.

             ". . . Do you want to talk about it?"

             You pause, then slowly sit up, while grabbing the pillow tightly to your chest.

             You can't really tell him everything, right . . . ? Dave had told you something about "Social Services", that might take her away if someone found out she lived on an island all alone by herself. You trust your dad, but it won't hurt for him to not know that one fact . . .

              ". . . Well, I'm just sort of mad and angry and a little worried and it feels really bad."

             "Go on."

              You take a moment to think, while he waits patiently for you to continue.

             "My friend, Jade-you know, the really nice one who likes science and dolls? Well, she hasn't been pestering to me since FOREVER! She hasn't been pestering ANYONE! We're all really worried about her, and I'm trying not to be worried, but I just can't help it! I just want to be happy and not worry about anyone and know that she's fine. I want things to go back to before. So. Yeah."

              A pause.

              "Well, first of all, I think that you're a good friend, because you're worried for her. It's okay to be worried about others, John. Maybe you can try talking about it, like you're doing right now. Getting through this by yourself may be hard, but remember that you have friends along you to help as well."

              Another pause.

              You slowly raise your head from your pillow, and then go over to hug your Dad, who seems a little surprised at the motion.

              ". . . Thanks, Dad."

              He slowly, carefully hugs you back.

              "Just remember I'm here for you as well."

 

 

* * *

 

             

              Your name is DAVE STRIDER, and you sit by the open window.

              The air is cold, it's about sunset, and the entire city is starting to prepare for the night. Well, almost the entire city. You're staring at this one crow that's perched on the windowsill. All the other ones left, to go back to their nests or wherever they sleep. This one? It hasn't left from its perch since noon. It's staring back at you with these tiny, beady eyes, and it's sort of ~~unnerving~~.

              You've contemplated getting up to do something, but nobody's pestering you right now. Why would they? They probably all have their own shit to do, as usual.

               . . . . . .

              That damn crow won't leave, though. Seriously, what the hell's its deal?

              "Shoo."

              It doesn't go.

              You make a vague sort of swat at it, trying to get it to fly away.

              It's just staring at you, with this sort of bored expression. Like, "dude im not dealing with that bullshit and im definitely not moving from here so why dont we have a feelings jam right now since youve got nothing else better to do".

              Wait, what?

              Well. Now that the idea's in your head. You guess it'd be nice ~~nice~~ cool to actually talk to someone ~~instead of just mumbling to yourself all day~~ for once. Even though that someone is a fucking crow.

              You've officially went into the deep end of the "im a loner that is so deprived of human interaction that i actually talk to animals like im one of those disney princesses in the movies or some shit. like snow white. here i am sitting on a stump in the middle of the goddamn forest talking to all of my animal friends like im some delusional freak. and instead of having my head cut off with an axe, i get sent to bedlam, because damn son, the fuck are you doing? there i go, off to to be electrocuted and be fed weird-ass baloney potions made of rat poison and grass and . . . what did they even put in there anyway? magic dragon crap scooped from a cave on the highest mountain at precisely midnight?? why the hell would you even think that would help in the first place. why.", haven't you?

              . . . Anyway.

             "So. Since you're not going away or anything I guess I'm going to rant at you until you do go away?? Whatever. Deal with it. Sooo . . . . . . one of my best friends haven't been pestering any of us for like. Two days? Three days? I don't know. Anyway, she hasn't been answering any of us . . ."

             You pause.

             "And I guess I'm sort of worried about her. Okay, never mind, that was the biggest fucking understatement of all time, I am so fucking worried about her it's about to delve straight past the edge of 'uncool'. What am I even talking about, I've already passed that point a long time ago. Also, I'm sort of worried about John and Rose? They're freaking out, and I can deal with me being uncool, but they have to be all affected by this shit too. And I can't really do anything about the situation. Of course I can't, everyone is in a fucking different time zone, for god's sake. What am I supposed to do? I don't fucking know."

             The crow keeps on staring at you as if it's actually understanding what you're saying. Wow, where'd that thought come from?

             "I guess I just sort of want to prove my worth as her friend and do something useful- _god that sounded so lame_ -but. Yeah. I can't do anything. It's sort of really fucking frustrating."

             The crow stands there for a moment, then finally flies away, leaving black feathers fluttering about your room. You watch it fly off into the streets of tall skyscrapers, as the sun finally sets.

             Damn. And you were starting to enjoy the company too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and later the crow was killed when dave threw a sword at its chest haha WHY DO I KEEP ON MAKING THESE COMMENTS


	10. Step By Step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sup  
> roxys mom is a badass  
> thats it you can all go home now

       A lady sits at a sleek, steel desk, lightly clasping a martini glass in one hand and absentmindedly doodling a cat with a pen on the other.

       No need to know her name. That has gotten far too old already.

       Besides, you probably already know, don't you?

       However, you don't think it would hurt to take some time to describe where exactly you are. Just to set the stage a little bit.

       You are sitting in a lavish study, with deep, purple rugs and plush furniture. If you look hard enough, you can see stray, childish-seeming pink dolls scattered here and there. There are no windows, and the door is closed shut, with a highly-advanced lock making sure it is kept that way. There is a mutant cat dozing on an armchair, and there are some bags of cat food stuffed in the space under a low table. Jars of unknown substances line the shelves originally meant for books. Pink notes with scribbles on them are stuck on some of the containers. Everything smells faintly of roses.

       The desk you are sitting at is covered in various folders, all covered with bright red stamps of "TOP-SECRET" and "CONFIDENTIAL". One of them is open, and the documents are visible for anyone to read. The first one is a newspaper article, describing a meteor that had crashed into a lake on the east coast, near a laboratory. It goes into detail about the self-sustaining ecosystem that had revolved around the lake, and the commotion caused over it when the meteor had landed. It is stated that no aquatic life in the lake had survived.

       Another is a series of codes and sequences, written hastily with pink ink. Next to each sequence, there are only two types of words-"SUCCESS" or "FAILURE".

      The final one is a list of phone numbers and addresses. One is underlined with dark green ink. This is the document you are scribbling on currently. As you finish your cat, you start drawing a dog with a peculiarly-shaped head barking at it.

      Suddenly, there is a crack behind her, and green light flashes, sending tiny waves of sparks into the air. You spin calmly in your chair to face the intruder.

       Bec is growling at you, his fur bristling, and his ears flattened against his head. He looks horrible, and tired, and extremely anxious. You slowly turn your body so you're not directly facing him, and avoid making eye contact, while still keeping him in your field of vision. You curl up your fingers into fists by your side, and draw your arms close to your body, so you don't seem as a threat.

      "Bec." You say his name in a low, soothing voice.

      He stops bristling for a second, but still shows signs of anxiety.

      "Bec, sit."

      He still looks uncertain, but is showing signs of calming down.

      "Bec. Sit."

      He stands still for a moment, then slowly sits down.

       You wait for a few more minutes, in order for him to take his time to calm himself, and then you finally slowly walk over. He's now completely relaxed, and snapped out of whatever that was. You still have to do something about the condition he's in, though. You should probably tend to his wounds, by the look of it. And give him something to eat. And take a look at his fur, wow, what exactly did he do to get himself in this state?

       It doesn't really matter. He's Harley's dog, and fixing him up is the least you could do for him.

 

* * *

 

 

       You are a FIRST GUARDIAN, and you are sitting on the ground, now suddenly aware of how tired you are, and how hungry you are as well.

       You are a bit embarrassed how you lost your control when learning of Jade's disappearance. You've surely caused a commotion by now. Really? An omnipotent being like you?

       You are more than happy to erase this chapter of your life from your mind forever, if that was possible.

       You are rather glad to see the Lady again. Even if she wasn't really your favorite, she always did have a certain calming aura about her. And she had been a close friend of Jake. She might have actually been more than decent to you, if she did not have that repelling fondness of those . . . cats. 

       Even now, you still are showing hostility to the mutant kitten sitting on the couch. Look at her, so smug and certain of her safety. Sleeping like she didn't have anything better to do with her existence. Not showing any respect or fear to the one who is practically the very reason why she is still alive today. It makes your fangs want to etch themselves into her eyes, her four, strange, mutant eyes.

       But you are currently in the hospitality of her owner, so you restrain yourself from teleporting her off into space and letting her suffocate from the lack of oxygen. You, unlike HER, have some actual manners and respect, and you won't swoop as far down to her level.

       You make a secret vow to do off with her one day, when the Lady isn't looking.

 

* * *

 

       

       Your name is ROSE LALONDE, and it is exactly three hours since you've started formulating your plans on helping Jade, and so far, you have developed many ideas and concepts. You have gathered a lot of information. You still yet have a way of putting it out into an actual format of action, however.

       You are a bit tired from all of this thinking, and so you decide to take a break. A little bit of air to clear your mind, and maybe some darkness too. There's really no difference.

       You survey the hallway. Nobody's there.

       You silently move over the carpeting on the floor, being as composed as you can possibly make yourself. A detailed comparison to one of Dave's "ninjas" would do as an excellent simile for your stealthy behavior. Perhaps some background music as well. Something a little generic, something that would only take place in one of John's admittedly cheesy movies. Hm. Maybe Spy Kids would serve as an appropriate substitute for the muffled silence of the mansion you call your dwelling.

       You reach downstairs, and pass by the kitchen. On the countertop there is a candle hand-crafted by you, tied with a ribbon around it, which was a response to your mother's latest move in your never ending game of passive-aggressive one-upmanship. The most recent round had been initiated by you. For Valentine's Day, you had composed a solo part for a violin, accompanied by lyrics, which simply were about how much you wished your mother a good health and long, happy life, and how lucky you were to have her. (The solo you had composed kept on repeating the same notes over again-D, A, and G. It has took you some time to figure that one out.) Your mother replied with a recording of an entire orchestra she had hired playing your song, accompanied by a world-famous soloist who had sung the lyrics that you had wrote. You spent weeks searching for four leaf clovers in the woods, and filled up a tiny jar with them, writing a note saying how sorry you were for forgetting her to wish her the best of luck as well, as by then it was March. She had the clovers pressed and put in a beautiful glass frame. You made the candle so it could be used to help see the picture better whenever there was a black out. (There are a lot of black outs in your house.)

       Oh, but what's this? A silver lighter to light the candle with? Well, you would use it, but not for the candle. Oh, no. You would use it for setting off fireworks in the early morning, as a very early "birthday present" for your mother. She always wasn't much of a morning person, now, was she?

       You make a mental note to buy some fireworks later on, and continue down the hall.

 

 

      

   


	11. Bandaging And Break-Throughs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> caw  
> about the fourth day this chapter takes place on i think  
> who knows

            Your name is . . . whatever.

            You wake up early in the morning, the faint tilt and sway of the boat waking you slowly up.

            You groan, and try to go back to sleep, covering your eyes with your hand. You really don't want to get up just yet. It's too early for this . . . . . .

            Waking up early is a habit from when you were young. You always rose as the crack of dawn so you could try to sneak out of your house to go off on adventures around town. You'd always come back before your parents noticed you were missing. Of course, Jude knew about your little escapades, but he didn't tell on you, because he also woke up early in the morning so he could spy on the neighbors, claiming they were all part of some big conspiracy out there to get him. It was sort of a mutual secret between you two. You smile, remembering that in a few days, you'll be able to arrive back in your hometown, and maybe meet up with your brother for a bit and catch up on the past few months.

            Well, you're awake now. Maybe you could go check on that poor girl again. To see if she woke up or not.

 

* * *

 

               

            You are a PARCEL MISTRESS, and you run and run and run! You have never been so excited in your life.

            Going up to the top of the castle was quite a feat. The scholar up there likes to be up high, gazing at the clouds and surrounded by silence. It was worth it when you recieved the message that he gave you, though.

            In the name of liberty, justice, and the people, you dash down the stairs, passing by several bewildered servants who stop and watch you run past them. Let them watch, you have important news to deliver! You keep on running and running until you reach one last flight of stairs. It is the final obstacle of passage. You squint, glare, then dash straight for it, charging with everything you have.

            As soon as your foot touches the first step, you feel yourself slipping. A maid shouts out a warning about the stairs, as she had just finished cleaning them with soap and water right before you had arrived.

           Time freezes. It is a rather hot day today. Skaia threatens to cross paths with Prospit, but seems to be suspended where it is. It is confronting you out from the window, comparable to the large, blue eye of a cool needle tapping to a rhythm that echoes throughout the entire kingdom. While you linger in midair, the heat seems to suspend time itself, stretching it like a warped vinyl. The eclipse was bound to happen around this time of day, but it feels as if it will be eternity until that occurs. It is dreadfully warm. Even a little cloud may help. It may help to fizzle this sizzle a little bizzle, to set the record straight on this universal turn-tizzle.  
  
"So do not change the dizzle, please turn it up a little  
I have got a living room full of some important dime brizzles   
I am waiting on the Pizzle, the Dizzle and the Shizzle  
G is to the bizzack,  now kids here we gizzo  
  
When the mail is in the crib mother (what are mothers)   
Drop it like it's hot  
Drop it like it's hot  
Drop it like it's owouchowowowthathurtowowow."  
  
-Modern Musical Artist, Some Cherub

 

 

* * *

 

 

           You, a MAID, watches as a poor Parcel-Mistress falls down the stairs.

           Well, you did warn her.

 

 

* * *

 

 

            You, the WHITE QUEEN, sit on your throne, signing papers and managing the problems of your citizens, fulfilling your role as the kingdom's queen. You are very busy.

            One of the Parcel-Mistresses walk before you, handing you a letter. She has some bruises on her knees and elbows, and you raise a brow but do not question her. You pick it up and read it, then faintly smile as you look up and breathe a slight sigh of relief. Even though you try your best to conceal it, the Parcel-Mistress smiles back as well.

            You'll be rewarding that scholar heavily today. He deserves it.

            You write out a message on a piece of paper, describing how the kingdom is at peace once again as a cure has been found for the princess, and send the Parcel-Mistress to relay the message throughout all of Prospit.

 

* * *

 

 

            Your name is JADE HARLEY, and you haven't been sleeping for the past few months, it seems. But has it been months? Something inside of you whispers that it's only been a day, but that must be impossible. Your sense of time is being messed up by that place you've been switching from every single time you try to go to sleep. Sleeping now scares you. There's nothing except cold, dark, unrelenting void.

            You turn once again in your bed, your hair everywhere, your vision fogged and distorted, and basically you just generally feel pretty awful, okay?!

            The door opens once again. Who could it be now?

            A Prospitan comes in cautiously, and walks over, a cup in their hand. You try to ask them what it is, but you just end up coughing a bit and hiding your face back in your bed.

            She whispers that it is something that will help you go back to normal again, and will keep the white death out of your eyes. It will help you to become strong, and pull you back to Prospit instead of the dreambubbles, she says. Go ahead, drink it. It's nice and warm, it'll go down easily.

            You tentatively accept the cup, and take a slow draught from it. She is right. It's nice and comforting, even though it's a tad too bitter for your taste. You drink the whole thing in one go, and give it back to her as you feel a sort of warmth enveloping over you.

            In about an hour or so, she'll check back on you, she says. She walks towards the door, and gently closes it, leaving you to sit there on your bed, as your migraine starts to lessen just the tiniest little bit.

 

* * *

 

 

            No, hold up, you don't have time for the introduction. You are in the middle of making an important choice.

            . . . Hmm.

            Eh.

            Maybe.

            You pick up the 5 pound steak (don't question why you have one) from where it's sitting in the mini-refrigerator, then look over and show it to Bec.

            "Would this work?"

            He sniffs it.

            He comes a little bit closer.

            He tries to bite it.

            "Uh-uh! I need to cook it first! You know that. No, don't teleport me all the way out into the middle of outer space because I'm not giving you your food quickly enough."

            He grumpily sits back down on to the floor, and watches as you take out a bunsen burner. You'd try cooking it with actual kitchen stuff, but this is way more handy and closer than the oven.

            "So, how do you want it? Extra-rare? Rare? Medium?"

            He just wags his tail, flinching a bit as the part that's wrapped up in gauze strains itself.

            "Well, then. Rare it is."

 

* * *

 

 

            Your name is ROSE LALONDE, and you thought you heard the sound of something being burned to a crisp by a bunsen burner, then thrown onto a plate, followed by sounds of meat being torn into pieces viciously and carnivorously. It is reminiscent to the sound of a pack of starved hyenas eating a half-alive zebra.

            Your mother is a strange, eccentric woman who has ways of dining that you prefer not to question.

 

* * *

 

 

            You're a FIRST GUARDIAN and finally it's put down bite oh my this steak is delicious tear rip steak yum nom so happy yip more please bark so good nom nom so great woof you love the lady woof woof you love everything you are the happiest dog on earth bite growl no cat this is mine bite sucker BIG bite so tasty chew all the steak is for you all of it so delicious steak is amazing everything should be steak steak steak steak <3333333333333333!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

            So.

            Good.

 

* * *

 

 

            There is no young man standing in his bedroom, or to do the introduction. It just so happens that today, one week and four days before his birthday, this young man has gone outside to go to school. Though it has been about three days since he has been introduced, it is only now we will realize that he has a life outside of staying home and talking to his friends all day. This is a rather fascinating revelation. Thinking about it is messing with your concept of reality a lot. You start questioning everything you ever knew in your life, then decide not to because this is stupid. A computer blinks as a window pops up on its screen.

 

            --gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 11:00 AM\--

            GG: hi john!! :)

 

            

            

            


	12. And Suddenly, Intermission.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> caw caw nest eat crow food pizza sip yum good O

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> skip doo dippity do schoo wap wap bop caw caw ccccccccccshazam blquurp asdfghjklqwertyuiop pchoooooooooooooooo 
> 
> neigh

you cat!

peaceful sleep.

blink

wake!

stand

comfy chair

stretch

yawn

lick

meow

turn

meow

confused very confused

meow???

leap from

to ground

meow??

sniff

strange smell

smell of meat

fire meat

and

creator scent!

and wild beast

wild SCARY beast

shiver

meow???????

padpadpadpadpadpadpadpadpadpadpadpadpadpadpadpadpadpad

door is open!

push

hallway

meow???????????

sniff

more strange smell

and

creator scent!

again

!!!

purr

still nervous

creator?

where is

padpadpadpad

meow?

padpadpadpad

mew

where is

padpadpad

stop

because stairs!

careful

very

very

careful

jump

slip!

tumble

land

skid

stop

ow

hurt paw

lick

purr

start walk again

more creator scent!

creator human kitten scent too

where creator kit?

sniff

pass eating place

go up stairs

maybe in room!

where creator?

sniff

in eating place!

where strange beast?

sniff!

very close

very . . .

close.

growl

shiver

turn

WOOF

_padpadpadpadpadpadpadpadpad_

beast fast

very fast

paw hurt

you run slow

scared

meow!!!

WOOF

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

footsteps from eating place

close

beast very close

meow!!

creator appear!!

shout "NO"

WOOF

growl

you run

creator pick

up

safe

creator

shout again

"BAD DOG"

dog shock!

dog realize bad

dog guilty

dog tail droop

creator angry

dog shame

you?

purr

safe

(^owo^)

purrrrrrrrrrr

 

 


	13. End Of Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cawcaw  
> O

       You are a fearsome FIRST GUARDIAN, and you are so very, very angry.

       That mortal, detestable, mocking, tiny feline. That _cat_ is purring, safely in the Lady's arms, and you, Becquerel, can not attack her and obliterate the sound of her "purring" and "meowing" from all ears of the galaxy.

       This displeases you greatly.

       However, as much as you would love to play a game of "fetch" and teleport that cat into the deepest outer rings of the universe, you restrain yourself. You are a much more civilized, mannerly being than she, and it would not do well to make a ravaging fool out of yourself while she is watching.

       Also, it would upset the Lady, and that would mean no one to cook steak for you. Or burn it over dangerous lab equipment with a pair of tongs while causing a fire hazard. There is really no difference.

      So you sit on the ground like a good omniscient all-powerful teleporting First Guardian, and tip your ears downwards just a little in shame. You must admit, that little episode from before really was quite undignified, your lack of self control was preposterous.

      Really now. Chasing the kitten was embarrassing enough, but the barking? Simply outrageous.

 

     You are certain you do not sulk to another room of the house. You are certain you do not growl and spend the next half hour electrocuting every single bug you see outside the window. You are very certain you do not nibble on the cast around your tail, hoping for it to come off. You are most definitely certain that you do not pick up a pillow with your mouth, and bite and shake it in frustration.

     Yes.

     You do not do any of those things. Such an idea would be amusing to some, but obviously the chances of any of that happening is very low. In fact, it is so low that the chances are practically nothing. Nothing. Not happening. Nope.

 

     4 flies, 13 maybugs, 11 butterflies, and 12 mosquitoes zapped into oblivion later, you decide to walk out of the room and see if there is anything to do. This is mostly out of boredom. You would teleport yourself to other places, but you are not sure if that would put a strain on your injuries or not. They are still healing, after all.

     Taking risks like this doesn't seem very smart. So you nudge the door open with your nose, and stride down the hallway.

 

     You stop at a door.

     This particular door is slightly open. Looking inside, it is very messy, and very dark. A girl is sitting on a bed while writing things down in a journal.

     Ah.

    This must be Rose's room.

    You take a brief sniff of the air. Your nose is overwhelmed (not really, you can't _really_ be overwhelmed) by the smell of lavender and musty old books and mystery. It is interesting, and distinct, yet secretive in its own way.

    The floor is covered in books and journals and notes and things. You are disdainful of this. By the look of it, it seems she just drops things when she is done with them, and does not bother trying to organize anything at all. Is that . . . is that a dictionary under her pillowcase? Are those pencils hidden in the folds of the blankets? There is a jacket stuck behind a bookcase, her violin is halfway in the garbage can and the drawer, and there are pieces of paper scattered everywhere on the floor. . . . How?? You can not (meaning you completely can, just a little less than usual) comprehend the nightmare that is Rose's room. You decide to move on and stop judging the poor girl based on the cleanliness of her living quarters. It's not like Jake was any better.

   Rose, herself, has a mysterious, cool air around her. She hasn't changed too much from the last time you saw her. She probably does not even remember, which you are okay with. You have a feeling if she remembered, she would spend much time on trying to track you and analyze you and things of that sort, which you do not really want to deal with at the moment. Or any moment, to be honest. You'll continue living without having mortals hound you, thank you very much.

   She seems concentrated on something. What could it possibly be? Seems something she does not want to share, judging from how close she is keeping the notebook to her as she writes in it. You will entertain her whims and let her be.

   You walk away, heading back downstairs in search of the Lady. You really want these bandages to come off.

 


	14. We Get Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ITS  
> MY  
> BIRTHDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY  
> O

         Your name is JOEY CLAIRE, and you step out into the hallway, swaying with the boat. Looks like the storm's calmed down. You yawn and go up a short flight of stairs, squinting at the starlight.

         Wow. There's still stars outside?

         You look to the east, and see the sun starting to slowly creep up over the blue water. You look to the west, and the moon is starting to go sink underneath the waves. You look behind you as you hear footsteps, but there's no one there.

         You walk over to the edge of the boat. The water is coursing past the sides, occasionally splashing against one of the lower windows. It's dark blue. Really dark blue. Almost as dark as the attic of that creepy, haunted mansion you went into as a young . . . . . . best not to think about that.

         You check behind you again to see if anyone's there, when you hear the creak of a board. There's still no one there.

         You equip your strife specibi, flashlightkind, and absentmindedly use it to check if you can see anything in the water. The answer is still no. You click it off and grip it tightly in your hand.

         The ship is still covered in darkness. There are shadows in the corners, shadows that make you think of looming beasts with six legs and flying critters who screech in your ears. It makes you think of mirrors and being lost and secret portals and red and green, red and green. It makes you think of the people from the other universe, who lived in a society drenched in darkness and despair. It makes you think of purple and green dots in the sky, and the walking dead, and a rainbow of . . . . . .

         Something grabs you from behind, and you snap out of your thoughts and shout.

 

* * *

 

 

         Your name is JADE HARLEY, and you are feeling a little drowsy. It has been about an hour since you've drank whatever the maid gave you! Your head has stopped aching, and the flashes between Prospit and the "dreambubbles", as the scholar called them, have been getting less and less frequent. You are really happy about this!

         You could just stay in this bed forever. This bed is now your new best friend. You don't need anything else. Only this bed. Jade Harley isn't going anywhere from here, that's for sure! Good pillow, best friend. Everything is nice, and warm, and just pleasant in general. So fluffy. So warm.

         So soft.

         So nice.

         Very happy.

         Very . . . shaky?

         Everything is shaky. Why is everything shaky?

         Well, actually, it's more of a sway than a shake. It's . . . weird. Kind of reminds you of the raft, maybe?? Wait, what?

         You open your eyes and find yourself in a strange bed, in a strange room, with a strange view outside.

 

* * *

 

 

         sup your name is dave strider and heeeeeeeeeeeey cal how are you doing buddy yeah uh im doing pretty well too so um can you just like sort of uh scooch out of the way a little bit because youre sitting on top of my camera and i need it um or maybe I can just pick you up or something and like set you down here or maybe wait holy shit did you just move fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck okay you just moved oh shit oh shit fuck oh god okay um hahahahahaha nice joke there bro ha trying to scare me like that shit youre way better than egbert will ever be at these sort of games haha i am totally not nervous nope not happening striders dont get nervous and i know because me and bro are striders and bro doesnt get nervous so i dont get nervous haha and im obviously not ranting right now really fast to myself no thatd be weird like really weird right broH SHIT DID YOU JUST MOVE AGAIN

 

 

* * *

 

 

         Your name is JOHN EGBERT, it's history class, and you are soooooooo bored. This is your least favorite class EVER. Ugh. We get it, Mr. Violet, you love history and wars and the navy and oh how you wish you could be back at sea again, and we get that you love hunting animals and just UGH WE GET IT!!!!

         Oh.

         Did you just say that out loud?

         Everyone in the entire classroom is staring at you. A couple of your classmates are giving you the "You're in BIG trouble now" look. Mr. Violet is staring at you in mid-speech. You stare back at him. The whole room is quiet.

         To save yourself from becoming publicly humiliated, you distract everyone's attention by shouting out that you saw Mr. Violet and Ms. Cobalt kissing the other day. On the MOUTH.

 

* * *

 

 

         Your name is ROSE LALONDE, and this plan is perfect!

         You raise up your precious, beloved notebook and fall back down on your bed. You go over the plan carefully one last time. Yes. It is perfection. Or as nearest to it that it can be. It is the best plan ever. You will cherish it, protect it, keep it near to you at all times, and-

         You toss it over your head as your laptop's screen starts blinking and you uncaptchalogue it, and click on the open window as the notebook lands in a pile of scattered clothes on the floor.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> admit it rose just probably tosses something once shes done with it i mean look at her room jc


	15. Some Inspiring Chapter Title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 3:11 PM\--  
TT: Why, hello.  
TG: sup rose  
TG: did jade pester you today  
TT: No, she hasn't.  
TG: damn  
TG: not that i care too much or anything its just that john is still bugging the shit out of me and it is getting too annoying to handle  
TG: again  
TT: Gasp! The coolest of cool kids admits that he has been irritated by this most recent problem? And he admits it has happened more than one time?  
TT: It simply can not be!  
TG: yeah i know its the biggest twist of all  
TG: i am actually able to say the word me and annoyed in the same sentence you must be so shocked rose ill catch you as you swoon like a damsel in distress at my feet  
TT: Another shocking thought! Maybe the so called cool kid is just as human as the rest of us?  
TT: Such sudden revelations!  
TG: nah that shit aint true i might seem human rose but dont be fooled remember i have a blog  
TT: How could I forget? Now it seems so silly that the notion of you being mortal ever existed in the first place.  
TG: yep it practically never started to exist  
TG: gone like the fucks i gave away a few hours ago when john pestered me  
TG: i just keep giving and giving  
TG: old man scrooge is practically furious by now  
TT: Hold on a second. As much as I would love to continue listening to your rambling, strange metaphors, it seems someone is online.  
TG: who  
TG: wait  
TG: HOLY FUCK  
TG: i call dibs on talking to her first dont even try im so serious right now  
\--turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 3:21 PM\--

 

 

holyshitholyshitholyshit

 

 

\--turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 3:21 PM\--

GG: hi dave!  
TG: holy shit jade where WERE you  
GG: aaah im really sorry!! XO  
GG: a lot of stuff happened and ive been really busy for the past few days and i couldn't find a time to pester you guys!  
GG: i swear i didn't mean to make you guys so worried!  
TG: no no its okay nobody got worried  
TG: maybe except john and rose too but i obviously wasnt i knew you were just fine  
TG: so care to explain where youve been for the past few days  
GG: well, um . . .  
TG: wait i already know the answer to that you were probably just frolicking off on your island  
GG: . . . yeah!  
GG: obviously! i was just . . .  
GG: uh.  
TG: playing with that devil beast exploring stuff doing sciency shit am i right or am i right  
GG: you're right! :D  
GG: i guess i lost track of time while doing all those things! haha.  
GG: again im really sorry!  
TG: nah its okay everythings chill no need to apologize for anything  
TG: just make sure to tell a bro next time before wandering off for three days okay??  
GG: got it!  
GG: wont happen again!  
TG: awesome  
TG: so you should probably give egbert a heads up youre okay hes been bugging the shit out of me like crazy  
TG: and to rose too so she stops doing the im not worried im perfectly fine and have no feelings about this at all thing  
GG: okay! talk to you later dave!

\--gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 3:23 PM\--

 

 

* * *

 

 

       Your name is JOEY CLAIRE, and there is a young girl in front of you, lying on the floor. She winces, and you realize that knocking down people behind you without knowing who they are is not always the best idea. You help her back up, and she dusts off her clothes. You realize that this is the girl that the crew had dragged out of the ocean the other day. She must've woke back up!

       "I'm sorry if I scared you or something, ma'am! My name's Jade Harley!"

       "Hello, Jade."

       "I really didn't mean to scare you though! It's just that my grandpa always told me that you should be as friendly as possible to people when you meet them for the first time, and you're the first person I've met besides Grandpa! So I thought maybe a hug would be nice! I probably should have done it after I introduced myself, though. Bluh."

       "No, it's okay! It's not really your fault. I'm Joey, by the way."

       "I like your name, Joey!"

       "Thanks. I like yours too."

       She smiles cheerfully at the reply. She has dark, black hair that cascades down her back, and bright green eyes rounded by circular, black glasses. She's just woken up from her coma, and already she seems to be bouncing with energy. Kids.

       "So, Jade, where are your parents?"

       She seems to be in deep thought for a moment.

       "Does a dog count as a parent?"

       "I don't think so."

       "Then I guess I don't have any!"

       Welp. That's awkward.

       "I'm assuming you live with your grandfather, then?"

       "Oh, him? He's dead."

       She waves it off casually. You raise a brow at the statement.

       "Do you live with anyone else, then?"

       "No! I live with my dog!"

       Okaaay. So she's an orphan.

       How did she get all the way out here?

       "Jade, do you know where you are right now?"

       She looks around.

        "A ship?"

        "Yes. And?"

        She looks around again.

        "In the ocean?"

        "What ocean?"

        "Um . . ."

         "You're in the Pacific. We're a few miles away from Hawaii."

         She brightens up.

         "Oh! Okay, then."

         "Where do you live, Jade?"

          "On-"

          She stops herself. She seems to be thinking about something.

           "In Washington. Maple Valley."

           Wow. All the way from Washington? That is remarkable.

           "Well, for now we're heading back towards America. We'll figure this all out and explain everything to you later. Right now, why don't you come with me to introduce yourself to the crew?"

           "Sure! I'd like that."

           "Just don't go around hug-tackling them from behind, okay?"

           "Don't worry, I've learned my lesson."

           She shares a grin with you. You're starting to like this kid.

 

 

* * *

 

 

          You hate doing introductions, you think as you scratch Bec's ears as you both sit in front of the fire place. He's tired, and barely keeping his eyes open.

          He's started teleporting today, as if looking for something. You're not too sure what, but he seems down-trodden every time he comes back. 

          You can tell he's worried, and you try to relieve his stress by humming a simple tune. It worked for Rose when she was little.

          It seems to work for him as well, and he falls asleep.

          

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will edit everything LATER


	16. Tension, Tension, Tension

\--ADVENTURE LOG: XX/XX/XX--

so the girl finally woke up today!

her name is jade. jade harley.

she seems nice. she said hello to everyone on the ship, including ms. scarlet. wow, that's a shocker.

still haven't figured out what to do with her yet! crew's thinking of calling the orphanage or something. huh.

she has a pet dog named bec. i told her about tesseract. that's one thing we have in common!

i feel like i should know her or something. weird, isn't it? haha!

there's a bunch of yelling coming from upstairs. did someone get in a fight? lemme go check . . .

 

wHA

 

okay so it turns out there is a giant ship following us???? and apparently it's a betty crocker ship?? it's giant and red and huge!!! i have no idea what to do.

does jade have anything to do with this??

 

just asked her. she says she has no idea.

oh geez, oh man i'm a little worried! it's closing in on us. the crew's stopped the boat. they have NO IDEA what's going on.

what if i don't get home in time?? i can't let jude down.

but i'm also a little curious! i'm taking this journal with me.

 

wow okay so they've stopped next to us. there's a bunch of police officers walking around. they're asking if we've seen anything or anyone out in the area?? says the heiress to the company is missing. jade looks really scared . . .

she's hiding behind a barrel, and i'm asking her to come out. she won't.

 

they say a guy named english owned the company, after it was inherited to him, but now he's dead so his granddaughter owns it or something??

 

okay woah when did DAD own THE BETTY CROCKER COMPANY?? AND WHEN DID HE HAVE A GRANDDAUGHTER?!!! i'm so confused!!

 

there is a giant white dog that just appeared on to the ship. jade's running out to meet it.

what.

 

okay so the giant white dog just made himself and the officers and the ship disappear.

what the heck.

 

wait so the giant white dog's name is bec. it's jade's dog.

what the hell.

 

the crew's asking jade questions.

 

wow okay so apparently the dog can teleport.

why is she acting like this is normal??

 

i think i'll stop writing for today. there's too much weird stuff going on.

\--END OF ADVENTURE LOG--

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHOS BACK  
> BACK AGAIN


	17. Fun Police Adventure World Exploring Times!! Ft. Bec, The Dog Who Is Now Your Teleporting Conductor

      You are a mysterious FIRST GUARDIAN, and you had gone out teleporting for Jade again.

      In the deep crevices of your mind, you had started formulating a plan. A plan to assist in finding her.

      You would start by teleporting back to the island. From there on, you would teleport out in a spiral from the island, sniffing for Jade's scent. In this manner, the chances of finding jade was much higher.

      Well, your plan had worked. Of course it did.

      There was an unaccounted problem, however. You had ~~completely forgotten~~ (did you say completely forgotten? preposterous. probably a misreading of text.) about the giant red spoon company Jade was the heiress to. You obviously know what a company is and what a heiress is.

       . . . . . . A heiress is a puppy, right? And a company is a group of giant people who make all the steaks.

       Yes. That must be it.

       Back to the current problem. The problem concerning the guard-people on the boat you had teleported on to. You can sense Jade's fear. They must be trying to attack her! How DARE THEY?!!! THE NERVE!!!!!

       In a blind rage, you teleport the giant red ship in the water, the guard-people, and you to a nice, comfortable place you are sure they would enjoy. The middle of Antartica. How pleasant.

       The guard-people all fall on to the ice clumsily, some being knocked unconscious, and some simply start trying to back away from you. All the ones who are conscious look terrified and confused. Some more guard-people are coming out of the ship, taking places behind cars that have pulled out. They are all holding guns at you.

       Do they not know you are a very skilled fetcher?? Do they know how many times English or Jade has ever managed to even graze you?? NEVER. They are very silly with all this nonsense. You are the self-proclaimed best fetcher in the world, and if they can beat you at the game, they are simply mad.

       People are speaking over intercoms. Everyone looks bewildered. You admire that they try to organize themselves in a new situation like this.

       You know, you are feeling rather like a good boy today. Maybe instead of killing them, you can mercy them instead.

       You teleport everyone on top of a dormant volcano in Oregon. You then again teleport with all the guns to the bottom of the ocean, then teleport back to the ship. People are shouting from below. The ship is literally in the middle of a crater lake. Some of the guard people are saving their unconscious friends from drowning, and dragging them back to the ship. Some guard starts taking pictures with his new-fangled communication device. You are a tech-savvy dog and know the exact vocabulary for such things. English had taught you some of the words for them, too. Though anyone could see you obviously did not need help at all.

       Cars are sinking in the lake. All the guard people are climbing aboard the ship. They are pale and shivering from the visit to Antartica. And maybe because they are scared of you.

       They all seem to be aboard. You can teleport the ship to its next location, then.

       You teleport to a port near England. The ship creates a giant wave as it splashes into the water. People are staring, pointing, and yelling. You teleport back to the Lady's home immediately.

       You are rather tired after all of that fun. You walk through the open back door, and find the Lady. She is sitting in a couch. The young one doesn't seem to be around.

       You settle at her feet. She hums, acknowledging your presence. As you sink into a nice nap, you feel as if you are forgetting something.

       Hm.

       You will deal with it later. Sleep makes you do lazy things.

 

 

* * *

 

 

       Your name is JOHN EGBERT, and you're back from school! Wow, it has been a long day today. But now you can talk to your pesterchum buddies, so that's something to look forward to.

       You open the blinking window, wondering who pestered you this time.

       When you see the green colored font, you stare at the screen for a while.

       You have a little smile on your face. Just a tiny little one.

       You jump into the air from your chair, and give a great, big shout! 

       That was nice.

       You do it again.

       


	18. Oh God, Not Another Random POV Switch Again

    Your name is VRISKA SERKET, and you are sneering at your former "leader", currently bragging about how great you are. You have rights to brag, you're the only one who ever does any work around this old dump! All of the others are doing boring things, wasting away in the vast rooms in this building, just waiting to be dead and over with the whole thing. What a bunch of losers!

    "VRISKA, NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT WHAT HOOFBEAST SHIT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO TODAY, NOBODY CARED YESTERDAY, AND WE WILL CONTINUE TO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR ESCAPADES FOR AS LONG AS WE'RE STUCK ON THIS METEOR, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP."

    "Woooooooow, what a drag! You're just jealous because the only plan you have is to just sit around and troll these wimpy humans on the internet. I mean, seriously?! That's the best plan you can think of to spend the time?"

    "OH, IT SEEMS A SELF-CENTRIC, LOUD, ANNOYING TROLL HAS BEEN MISINFORMED OF THE SITUATION ONCE AGAIN BECAUSE OF HER HIDEOUSLY SHITTY GIANT EGO. IT'S FUCKING REVENGE FOR WHAT THEY DID TO OUR SESSION, NUMBNUTS. WHY DON'T YOU GO WANDER OFF AND SPEND A FEW SWEEPS PROCESSING THAT INFORMATION INTO YOUR THINK PAN, BECAUSE BASED ON HOW MANY TIMES I'VE TOLD YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU ARE COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF UNDERSTANDING A FEW SIMPLE SENTENCES STRUNG UP TOGETHER!!"

    "You call THAT revenge?! Pft, nice joke there Karkat, you should go tell that to the Grand Highblood one day! Maybe he'll think it's funny as Orphaner Dualscar's? Oh well. At least when I orchestrate MY schemes, they actually end up affecting the victim in some way. All you're doing right now is just wasting your TIME."

    "YOU'RE SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT. THERE **IS** NO GRAND HIGHBLOOD!!! HE'S FUCKING DEAD, REMEMBER? WE'RE PLAYING A GAME THAT HAPPENED TO WIPE OUT ALL OF THE ALTERNIAN EMPIRE?? LET ME REPEAT IT FOR YOU. WIPED. OUT. OR MAYBE IN MORE SIMPLE TERMS FOR YOUR TINY BRAIN TO UNDERSTAND-EVERYONE'S. DEAD. "

    ". . . And? Did you completely miss the point there Karkat, or . . . . . . . . ?"

    ". . . . . ."

    It takes him a few seconds to get what you're hinting at.

    "FUCK YOU VRISKA, FUCK YOU AND YOUR LUSUS AND YOUR NONEXISTENT ANCESTOR AND JUST YOUR BEING IN GENERAL!!!!!! FUCK YOU AND ALL YOUR ALTERNATE TIMELINE VERSIONS AND YOUR PAST AND FUTURE VERSIONS, I'M FEELING REALLY GENEROUS TODAY, SEE, LOOK AT ALL THESE FUCKS I'M GIVING OUT TODAY!!! TROLL SCROOGE WOULD BE PROUD. FUCKING-"

    You strut away to the transportalizer, his furious screams cutting off as you zap to elsewhere.

 

 

* * *

 

 

   

    Your name is ROSE LALONDE, and you smile happily as you walk around your house. You're in a rather good mood today.

    Today Jade has finally answered you and all of her friend's messages. You're glad to see that she seems fine, and she has apologized for putting everyone into such a state of confusion. Everything is back to normal now.

    Well, except one thing.

    You don't know if the others had noticed, but when questioning why Jade had not answered her pesterlogs, her behavior was a little suspicious to you. She had been flustered, seemed dishonest, and tried to change the topic as quickly as she could. You had decided to let it go then, even though it was obvious she was lying to you. She had never been too good at keeping secrets of any kind.

    You are still very curious, however. What exactly would prompt her to hide something from you? You feel the need to investigate into it more.

    As soon as you get back to your room, you will start questioning her about the subject.

 

 

* * *

 

 

   Your name is JADE HARLEY, and you are trying to make yourself as patient as possible.

   A few more days until you reach America!! Just a few more.

   A few more days until you can surprise John! Just a few more.

   A few more days until you can finally meet one of the four people you have ever been friends with since you were born.

   You can wait that long.

   Just a few more days.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trolls


	19. Finally An Update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should probably change my profile description to WARNING: very unmotivated
> 
> . . .
> 
> so yeah

   It's five days before John's birthday, and you are finally getting off that boat!

   You were so sick of seeing so much blue. Dark blue, light blue. Blue in the sky, blue in the sea. Blue in the day, blue in the night. Even your bed was blue, not to mention the atom on your shirt.

   Blue is a pretty color, but as you walk off the ship with Joey and see the green scattered everywhere, you stand there for a moment. Just taking the colors in.

   Joey smiles at you, raising a brow at your actions. "What . . . are you doing?"

   You take in a deep breath. "Just resting my eyes for a bit."

   ". . . You are one weird kid, Jade."

   You smile back, and nod.

   "Yep!"

   The two of you wait for the rest of the crew to walk off. Seagulls fly around. The sun shines brightly from above. You hear the sound of the waves splashing against the port.

   Five more days.

   Just five.

 

* * *

 

  The camera flashes, scaring the crow off.

  You watch it fly off into the distance, cawing and flapping frantically. It's like a goddamn party of tornadoes and feathers all up in this shit.

  You're doing that thing where you walk around town with your camera. Taking ironic pictures. Capturing shitty photos of random things. Giving the public their daily dose of Strider. You do the world a favor by just showing it your face. You're a nice guy, in that sense.

  Someone yells at you to get off their car. You ~~slip~~ casually jump off the hood and go on your way.

 

  You walk out of the parking lot and start wandering around. The sky is burning red, as always. The streets are filled with rhythms and shouts and screeches, creating a distinct jumbled up white noise that you can only get from living in a city. It's nice. It's distracting. It fills up the dark corners of your mind that you rarely delve into. It occupies yourself so you don't have to focus too hard on shit that you don't want to think about.

  You think you'd probably never be able to live somewhere without any noise. Like Jade's island, for example. It's probably really quiet all the time, since there's really not that many living things around to create any sort of sound. To be honest, you think you would go crazy having to live there.

  Your thoughts drift around to how Jade's doing. She's probably fine. Seemed really excited today for some reason. Or maybe not. She always seems pretty excited to you. You're probably reading nothing as something.

 

  You take a photo of your reflection in the dirty glass of the local pizza place. Slightly tilted, slightly blurry. Some filters, and the hipsters on the internet are going to eat this up like fucking candy.

 

  . . . Hm.

  Didn't John have a school talent show today?

 

 

* * *

 

 

  You, KARKAT VANTAS, are face palming in a dramatic manner. Your subordinate, Nepeta is coming over to where you're sitting. She seems concerned about you.

  ". . . Are you okay, Karkat? What's wrong?"

  "YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG, NEPETA? THE FACT THAT THE SPECIES WHO HAS TAKEN OUR UNIVERSE FROM US, ON TOP OF BEING SO OBLIVIOUS AND NAIVE IT MAKES ME WANT TO SLOWLY, PAINSTAKINGLY FILE DOWN MY HORNS WITH THE SHARP EDGE OF TEREZI'S CANE WHILE BEING TORTURED BY THE GODS OF THE FURTHEST RING THEMSELVES, SOMEHOW HAS THE MENTAL CAPACITY TO DO THINK PAN EXPLODING ACTS OF DISGUSTING FOOLISHNESS SUCH AS THIS, AND THINK IT IS A COMPLETELY FUCKING INTELLIGENT, REASONABLE THING TO DO. I AM SO REPULSED BY THE IDIOCITY OF THESE WORTHLESS HUMANS THAT IT MAKES ME WANT TO BEG FOR ALL MY PAST AND FUTURE SELVES TO FUCK ME OVER REPEATEDLY IN AN ENDLESS LOOP THROUGHOUT PARADOX SPACE, JUST SO THAT MAYBE THE TORTURE AND TEARS I WILL WEEP FROM IT WILL FULLY ERASE THE FACT THAT THIS VILE ACT EVER HAPPENED FROM MY MIND. AND FOR THE FINISHING TOUCH, I WILL THEN CHOKE ON MY OWN SHAMEGLOBES AND BURST INTO A MILLION PIECES OF SCREAMING GLITTERING SPARKLES, THEREFORE CLEANSING ALL VERSIONS OF MYSELF FROM WITNESSING . . . THIS. THIS THING. WHAT THE FUCK IS HE EVEN DOING."

  She looks over onto your screen. She stares. She turns over to you again. She has a confused look on her face.

  ". . . I have no idea."

  You both look back to the screen. And you stare.

 

* * *

 

 It's the annual school talent show, and you're reenacting one of the scenes from one of your favorite movies. Con Air! (Not Ghostbusters. That was last year.)

 All the lights are directed on you. You're confident and sure you'll win first prize. The judges aren't even going to know what hit them!

 You set down the two cardboard cutouts onto the floor. Both are real life size versions of Casey and her mother herself.

 

 You take out the fake bunny you made out of cardboard. It's not as good as the real thing, but whatever.

 

 You face the audience.

 It's showtime.

 

* * *

 

 You are a normal student at a normal school at a normal talent show. At least it was until 20 minutes ago.

 Some kid walked up onto stage, wearing a stained wifebeater and holding cardboard cutouts in his arms. He set them down.

 The lights dimmed. Music started to play.

 At first, it was alright. Humorous, even. The kid had the worst Texan accent you ever heard, and you were cracking up for a solid minute or two.

 Then it all spiraled down.

 A guitar solo started playing. The kid dropped the cardboard rabbit in his hands. He started pumping his fist up and down while air-guitarring along to the solo. People laughed. You laughed. The kid kept on doing his thing.

 Then he started going crazy. He picked up the rabbit again, using it as a guitar. He went down on his knees. He threw the rabbit into the air. You have never seen someone do that and never will with as much dramatic exaggeration as that kid had. The bunny flew out of the stage and straight at the head of a man who was bringing back refreshments for his family. He stumbled, and bumped into a lady, who knocked over another man, who fell onto the judges' table. The kid kept on playing his nonexistent guitar. The table fell down onto itself. The judges were either knocked out of or fell with their chairs. Someone flung their notepad. Another kid on roller skates was peeking out to see what all the commotion was about. The notepad hit him in the eye, and he stumbled back. There were sounds of things being knocked over and people being startled and what you assumed to be the sound of a bird screeching. "Aquila, NO!" The curtains fell down. The kid playing the air guitar got caught up in them, and stopped, trying to untangle himself. A parrot knocked over several cages. Birds flew out everywhere. People ducked. A girl ran out, shouting and waving. Her dress was on fire. She tried to stamp the fire out. A shout. "STOP, DROP, AND ROLL! STOP, DROP, AND ROLL!" She didn't listen. People were screaming. Someone pulled the fire alarm. The sprinklers were turned on. People struggled to get out of the auditorium. The birds flew around, screeching wildly. Feathers were everywhere. You could barely see anything. Your mother and father dragged you out of there as fast as they could.

 Later you heard that the fire department came over. It took weeks to clean up the mess. The kid got in some huge trouble.

 You'd feel sorry for him, if it hadn't been for the fact that you were wearing your favorite sweater there and that one of the birds had dropped a pie onto you. You don't even know where that came from.

 Yeah. Your family isn't going to attend anymore talent shows anytime soon.

 

 

 

 


	20. These Titles Are Getting More Self-Aware By The Second

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the plot is advancing the plot is advancing

     Your name is JOHN EGBERT, and you are grounded.

     Forever.

     . . . . . .

     The only real difference here is that you aren't getting bruises from your pogo slime anymore, and that the notes of proudness scattered around your household have been reduced by half in size.

     So there isn't really that much of a difference.

     . . . . . .

 

* * *

 

   --ghostyTrickster [GT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 5:00 PM\--

   GT: hey dave?

   TG: what

   GT: i just realized how sad my life is. quick, say something dumb to cheer me up!

 

* * *

 

  Your name is JADE HARLEY, and it's time to make your escape!  
  
  You look back at all the friends you made on the boat. It's sort of sad, that you have to leave them like this. And so sudden too! But it's for the best. Who knows what would happen if they knew you were going to escape/ditch them? They might try to stop you! Or even worse . . . send you over to the cops straightaway . . .  
  
  Ha, who are you kidding. Whatever you do, they probably will try to turn you over anyway. You're not some ignorant kid, you've heard them whisper amongst themselves late at night worriedly about what to do with you. Sure, the have good intentions. But what they're doing is only going to hurt you, not help you! 

  You take one last look at Joey. Out of all of the people on the boat, you're probably going to miss her the most. She's so fun and interesting and cool. She understands you, and she's so supportive and amazing in every way. She's like the older sister you never had! It'd be cool if it turned out you two were long-lost siblings or something.   
  

  That'd be really cool, you think. That'd be really cool.  
      

  "Jade? Are you okay?"  
   

  You are startled out of your thoughts, and look up to see Joey glancing at you worriedly.  
     

  "Huh?"  
     

  "You're looking really . . . sad. Is anything wrong?"  
     

  "Oh! Oh, no, I was just thinking about that sad movie you told me about! You know, the one where the dog died."  
       

  "Oh, that one! Old Yeller? Yeah. Yeah, that was a really sad movie, wasn't it? But it was still pretty great. I should really show you some of the old classics some day."  
   

  "Yeah! You really should."

   
  You both smile at each other. You feel like you're about to cry.  
   

  Oh, you're really going to miss her!! :(

 

* * *

 

  You try to will yourself from looking at the bottle. You try to will yourself from touching the bottle. You try to will yourself from opening the cap.

  Sadly, you fail all three.

  God, you feel so guilty doing this. You know that Rose doesn't like seeing you in this state. You're being such a shitty Guardian right now.

  . . . Ah, fuck it. In a few years the world's going to be destroyed, everyone's gonna die, and you'll be killed and Rose won't ever see you again.

  Anyone with all that knowledge would do the exact same thing you're doing right now.

  Yous . . . syou have the rightt to drink. Youre jst being human right noww..,

  
  Oh may gAWd the ca ts are FLYING to trhe ceiling

  
  Hahaha is tgat BECC? aW, com here u swtee dog

  
  He just telEpsotd. WoW ' what an hASsHOlE

  
  well nbdy cares abot U birch!! its fnny bcse hes a maLE dog lmfao

  
  youll show hmi! u have better fronds than hmi, yu dont nded him ,.  
  

  Ha ha u shuld rlly cll Jeoy,,, JYOE?? *Joey rite now  
    

  u hvent talked to her in mnths lol  
   

  . . . ushuld TOTES cll herrr abut jaddde

  omg that ouwld actually help! u bet shek now s where sheis  
   

  wht ws her n12mber agaai09n  
 

  wAit. Wait oh HAhA yu hve her in ur ccooontacts dummy! lmao  
 

  (thEY cant pssiblyve my Brand! i have SPESHUL 4yes lookk look with ur speshialeyes MY BrAnd u just did a meme omg)  
   

  shiit  wht ws i doingg again" oh yeeah clling joey  
   

  thsi is uch a good idea

 

* * *

 

 Your name is JOEY CLAIRE, and you are eating your lunch when you feel someone tugging on your sleeve.

 You look down to see who it is. Oh! It's Jade.

 "Um . . . Joey, can I go to the bathroom?"

 She points at the sign at the far end of the plaza.

 "Sure! But make it quick, okay? We're leaving this place in 5 minutes."

 She nods and hurries away. You watch her go off, then return to eating your lunch.

 It's been decided. You all decided that you have to turn her over to the police. Hopefully by then they can find any of her relatives or someone to take her in. By 1 PM, everyone will meet together and that'll be the last you'll ever see of her again.

 It's sad, really. She's such a nice person. You wonder if she'll feel betrayed when she finds out what you're going to do?

 All of a sudden, your cellphone starts to vibrate in your pocket. You take it out and see who's calling you.

 Oh, it's Roxy! You haven't talked to her in a long time.

 "Hello?"

 "Hiiii, Joey!"

 Oh no. Has she been drinking again?

 "Hi, Roxy. Oh god, have you been drinking again?"

 "Weeeell you can't really blame me, kiddo! HIC-I mean, everyone's going to DIE and shiit . . . so like . . . I TOTES have the right to drink!!!"

 She's giggling madly. You sigh.

 "Why did you call me anyway? I mean, you haven't called me in a long time . . ."

 "I need to . . . I need to TELL you something, Joey! Haha, Joey, your name is Joey! Y'know, like a baby kangaroo. It's funny because you're a . . . a . . ."

 "A veterinarian."

 "Oh, yeeeaah. A veterinarian. And you . . . you just came back from Austraaailia. And shit. 'Cause like, kangaroos come from Austrailia or something? IDK."

 "What were you going to tell me again?"

 "Uhhh . . ."

 You're about to tell her you're going to hang up, so she doesn't make more of a fool of herself.

 "Nowait! No, wait, I got it, I got it . . . y'know old Harley?"

 "You mean Dad?"

 "Yeeeah. Did I ever . . . did I ever tell you he like, adopted another kid or something a couple of years ago?"

 All of a sudden, you find this conversation very interesting.

 "Really? When?"

 "I don't know. Anyway, she's like . . . pretty young. I think she's about 9 or something right nooow? She has like . . . a dog. He is SO CUTE and FLUFFY. The dog, y'know?"

 "Hm. Go on."

 "So like, she went missing a few days ago, riiight? So I've been trying to FIND her and shit."

 "Uh-huh."

 "So like, do you know where she is or something? If it helps, I like, know her name and stuff. Haha, her name's like . . . Jade. **Jade Harley**."

 You stop. You freeze.

 . . . . . .

 You finally say something.

 "Hey, Roxy, I'm sorry but I have to hang up right now. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

 "Okaay. Byeeee~"

  As you hang up, you look towards where Jade went.

  You stand up.

  You walk into the bathroom.

  "Jade? Are you there?"

  No answer.

  You try again. Still no answer.

  You rush out of the bathroom, and start dialing one of the crew member's numbers.

  "Hey, Joey. What's up?"

  "Jade's missing."


	21. I I I I'M STAYING ALIVE STAYING ALIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last time I left off at a CLIFFHANGER  
> I am evil

Your name is JADE HARLEY, and you are in a mad rush to get to where you need to be!

You already left the bathroom when Joey wasn't looking, and now you're trying to find your way out of the mall! You're walking at a normal pace, though, so that you don't seem too suspicious.

You turn a corner, then immediately take a step back because WOW you almost ran into one of the crew members there! You walk into the store behind you, and hide in one of the aisles, keeping a close watch until they disappear. You quickly get out of the store, then see the opening doors right up ahead! Good. You try to speed-walk as fast as you can, and you're out of the mall when-

"Jade? What are you doing out of the mall? And where's Joey?"

Oh no. Uh.

"Oh, hi Ms. Scarlet! I was um. Just."

_She's suspicious she's suspicious she's suspicious_

"OH WOW LOOK AT THAT JOEY'S RIGHT OVER THERE HI JOEY!!!"

She quickly turns around, and you run for it.

"Joey? I don't see Joey there. Where exactly is-"

You hide yourself in the crowd. You're dodging, jumping, running, and doing everything you can to get to where you need to be. You have a mental map of this town in your head (thank you lunchtop thank you virtual map), and there's only a few more blocks before you reach the bus stop! Two more blocks. One more block.

Aaaaand you're there.

You quickly hop on and pay the fare, then take a seat, breathing a sigh of relief. It's only a few more minutes before it's time for the bus to leave. Hm.

You're pretty sure that you don't want anyone to recognize you at the last second. That'd be really dumb and stupid, and also waste everything you did to get this far.

You uncaptchalogue one of your bags, and dig through until you find the blue coat you were looking for. You replace it with the green one you're wearing right now.

. . . That's probably not going to change anything. People will probably still recognize you!

Luckily, you decided to wear jeans before getting off the ship, so maybe . . .

. . . You could pass yourself off as a boy? You once read a book where a boy passed himself off as a girl. It was something by some guy named Mark . . . Stain? Whatever.

. . . Hm.

You know what, that might actually work!

You tie up your hair in a bun with a hair band, then put your hood on. You then wrap a scarf around your neck, put on some blue gloves, and for extra measure, exchange your glasses for those dumb anime shades (hehe) that Dave gave you for one of your birthdays.

Wow.

You never thought that you would actually be wearing these someday!

You captchalogue the bag, then uncaptchalogue your lunchtop and check your reflection there. Wow! You can scarcely recognize yourself!

You grin as the bus finally closes its doors, and sets off.

Things are finally going smoothly.

 

* * *

 

Your name is JOEY CLAIRE, and things are not going smoothly.

"Jade? JADE?"

You're running through the mall when you bump into someone. Oh! It's Scarlet.

"Have you seen Jade?"

"I just saw her 5 minutes ago! She was being suspicious and then just ran off! I tried to follow her, but I lost her in the crowd. I've already alerted some of the crew, though it seems you've already gotten ahead of me so far. We're calling the police for a missing child alert."

"I'm sorry, it was my responsibility. I should have had more supervision over her. I messed u-"

"Joey, it's okay. We all screw up sometimes."

"Yeah, but-"

"No. Stop. Look at me."

You look at her. She has a really serious look on her face.

"I know that this sounds like a really cliché movie scene-hell, this whole scenario is like a really cliché movie scene! But it doesn't matter what you did. What matters is that we find Jade, and see to it that she's safe. Okay? So don't cr-listen, do NOT cry. It's not your fault. You need to pull yourself together, and help the others find Jade. You need to be strong. Got it? Are we clear? Good."

You take in a deep breath, and wipe your tears away. You then smile.

"That really does sound like a cliché motivation speech."

"I know. I've watched too many bad movies when I was a teenager."


	22. The Lalondes Have A Nice Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god I love writing lalondes

      You are the MOTHER of the most sweetest, most precious 10 year old in the world. And after days of her avoiding you, you two have finally sat down at the dinner table together!

     

      (This is a giant accomplishment in the world of Roxy Lalonde. Take note.)

 

      After sitting silently and having her purposely avoid eye contact with you and you trying to anyway, you decide to instead make some light conversation.

 

      "So, sweetie, how was your day today?"

 

      Rose glances up at you from her meal for a second, mumbles something incoherent, and then goes back to arranging her food into the shape of a screaming eldritch monster.

     

      "Hm? Sorry, dear, I couldn't hear you."

 

      She gives a barely noticeable sigh, then says,

 

      "Today was fine."

 

      And then goes back to her art more viciously than ever.

 

      . . . . . . Wow! She's being even more sociable with you than ever before! Your mothering skills must have climbed up a few rungs on the echeladder. You are the best parent. It is you.

 

      You're smiling at your new accomplishment when all of a sudden, you hear a faint zap, then feel something nudging your foot.

     

      Oh dear.

     

      Internally, you groan. This was supposed to be a private, mother to daughter bonding moment. A time to relax. A time to enjoy yourself.

 

      Not a time for omnipotent, space-teleporting guardian dogs to beg for more steaks from you.

 

      Well, this will be a problem. You'd rather not let Rose see Bec. There is a reason for why you have been hiding him from her for the last couple of days.

  
      First of all, it would lead to a lot of unwanted explanations. And some facts to reveal. Such as ones leading to Jade. Her grandfather. The game. And other bits of information that you don't feel that you want to burden her with yet. Things that you would rather have yourself bear alone with, then extend the knowledge to someone else.

 

      A mother will do anything for her children.

 

      Even if that means sacrificing one of her expensive pumps to the slobber and ferocity of a hungry and slightly irritated dog.

      

      Yes. Bec took your shoe.

 

      Yes, Bec is chewing on your shoe under the table.

 

      Yes, you can't do anything about it.

 

      . . . Well, at least it keeps him quiet.

     

     Where were you again? Oh yes. Making some nice, light conversation. Yes. That was what you were doing. Hm.

 

     " _Soooo_. Rose."

 

     She gives a faint nod, as she stabs the monster on her plate in the eyes viciously with her knife. You cringe as you hear Bec rip part of your shoe.

 

     "Any. Interesting. Conversations you had? With your friends?? Today?"

 

     She stops stabbing the monster in the gut, then looks up.

 

     "Well, there is one thing to be noted."

 

     She's actually willingly talking about her friends to you! Wow. You sure are being progressive today.

 

     "One of my friends, Jade, went missing a couple of days ago. After a period of worrying and bickering from John and Dave, she finally logged back on and sent us all an apology for not contacting us sooner. However, I noted that she seemed to be hiding something from me. But it is probably nothing serious or to be inspected upon. The important thing is that she is fine and not dead."

 

     She shrugs.

 

    "That's all."

 

    The two of you sit in silence as she goes back to playing with her food. You're still. Very still. Even Bec, noticing the tension, has stopped chewing.

 

    After a couple of seconds, you speak up.

 

    "Interesting."

 

    Later on, when Rose has gone upstairs, you take a seat in your favorite chair in your study, and sit. You sit and let the cogs in your head turn and turn as you muse and assess over all the information you've collected in the past few days. You sit as Bec takes his usual spot on the rug and curls up to go to sleep. You sit.

 

   And after you're done going over everything and your mind is certain of what to do next, you fall asleep in the chair you're sitting in. You're tired. You really don't feel like walking all the way to your bedroom right now.

 

   You've decided. You've decided that you are going to ask Rose for Jade's chumHandle in the morning.

 

   And ask her a few questions.

 

   Because if she's so "fine" as Rose insists,

 

   Then why hasn't Bec returned home yet?

 

   

    

 

    


	23. guess who's back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> back again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my computer broke

        Your name is Jade Harley and it's been two hours and you are already getting so bored with this trip already!! Oh my gosh.

        You're telling yourself that this is pretty short compared to all the stuff you had to go through before, but still. You're so close to meeting John! And you're getting closer and closer every minute! And the wait is dragging out the time until it feels like you've been sitting here FOREVER!!!

        You are REALLY impatient!!!

        Absentmindedly you tap out the Squiddles theme song on the window pane, staring outside. It's just desert. And sand. And more desert. It was pretty interesting at first, you're not going to lie, but the view sort of got repetitive after a while!

        . . . . . .

        Oh hey, look, a bush.

        . . . . . .

        You really wish that you could access the internet right now.

 

* * *

        

       

       Your name is Dave Strider and this is no time to break the fourth wall and criticize the narrative's writing style you are a man on a mission right now and that mission is getting back that god-damned bottle of sweet, heavenly nectar of the gods that just fell out the window.

       . . . That thing was twice its size, damn it, how the fuck did that crow knock it off the windowsill??

       Okay. Okay. Instead of bitching about the situation, you're going to keep your cool (not that you ever have any danger in losing it in the first place), and you are going to retrieve that apple juice.

      Step out of your room. Check to see if anyone is there. Walk ~~nervously~~  through the living room. ~~Experience denial as you try not to stare at the puppets everywhere.~~  Walk up to the door. Reach for the doorknob. You are hacking through the firewall. Repeat, you are hacking through the firewall. Put your hand on the doorknob. Turn it.

       Aaaaaaand you've hacked it. You've hacked the imaginary firewall. You are _in_.

       Well no, actually, you're out. But not really out. You're still in the building. But you're out of the section of the apartment you live in.

       So.

       Yeah.

       You surprisingly manage to walk down the stairs in one piece. That hasn't happened in a long time.

       You exit the building, turn a corner, and reach the alley where the apple juice fell down into. It's still there, in perfect condition. The bottles they come in are durable as _fuck_.

       You run up to it and try to pick it up, then jump back when all of a sudden a giant white dog appears in front of you. Out of nowhere. You swear you heard some sort of zapping,crackling noise, too.

       It's looking at you curiously. Hopefully you'll give it an impression that is likeable to it and so that it won't throw all 90 pounds of itself on to you and use you as its new favorite chew toy.

       Nope. It's growling at you now. You always have bad experiences with dogs. Why.

       You're considering just leaving and coming back to get the apple juice later. You are further convinced that you should take this course of action by the look of its sharp, glinting teeth.

 

       But then it PICKS UP the FUCKING BOTTLE with its MOUTH.

 

       Naturally, you're extremely conflicted about what to do. I mean, that's technically your entire breakfast, lunch, and dinner right there, along with an old unopened bag of chips you found lying on the ground.

       Hm. Let's see. Starvation or becoming the next year's winner of the Darwin Awards?

 

       . . . You're pretty thirsty right now. It's hot out. It's always hot out. And you're really fucking dumb. And you really like apple juice.

 

       WELL THEN, looks like you're taking battling a blood-thirsty murder-hungry probably infected with rabies dog to playing it safe and making Good Life Decisions. Statefarm better fucking cover this.

       

      

* * *

 

    Your name is Rose Lalonde and today, you swear you heard some wolf howling off in the distance. When you asked your guardian about this, she suddenly realized that there was Very Important Science Things she had to complete in a Very Short Amount Of Time, so she went off somewhere.

     You wouldn't question it any further, if your name was not Rose Lalonde.

    And also if there hadn't been an increasing amount of animal fur around the house lately.

 

* * *

 

   Your name is John Egbert, and for some reason you feel it's been a really long time since something. And that a lot of people are going to become pretty anxious if you don't post this too. But something what? Post what? What are these thoughts invading your head? No, they must go. Into the convenient dumpster in your subconscious it goes!

    Anyway, it has been a really long day. They served this weird thing in the cafeteria today that you are not really sure if it should be considered food or a science experiment from the 1st grade. Also Mr. Violet sort of hates you. And all of the janitors like to avoid you whenever they can.

   It's funny, because no one in your class is mad you ruined the talent show. Actually, they sort of um. Worship you now?? They all thought it was some sort of prank, and that you were "sooo cool" for doing it and causing such a spectacular event to happen. 

  . . . Yeah.

   This is a really weird experience for you, but you guess you're glad it turned out that way.

 

 

  

  


	24. Dave Strider's Screams of Terror As A Giant White Dog Teleports Him To The Middle Of The Woods Next To Rose Lalonde's House At Something In The Afternoon

taste my blade you ninety pound son of a devilbeaSHOLYSHIT

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHATTHEACTUALFUCK

WHATTHEACTUALFUCKJUSTHAPPENED

OHMYFUCKINGGOD

JESUSCHRISTKIDNAPPINGFUCKINGELMOINASTUFFEDBEARSUIT

WHATTHEHELLWASTHAT

WHATTHEHELLWASTHATWHATTHEFUCKWHERETHEFUCKWHEREAMIWAITohshityourestillhere

PLEASEDONTFUCKINGKILLME

IHAVETHINGSTODO

SHITTYWEBCOMICSTOWRITE

FRIENDSTOFUCKAROUNDWITH

LIVESTORUIN

HOWDOIMAKEYOUFUCKINGGOAWAY

WHATAREYOUSUPPOSEDTOFUCKINGDOTODOGSHOWDOYOUFUCKINGAPPEASETHEM

GOODDOG??????

DOYOUWANTATREAT???????????

ISTHATWHATYOUDOTODOGS

ALLIHAVERIGHTNOWISABAGOFSHITASSTASTINGCHIPSIMEANTHEYRESORTOFOKAYFORSHITASSTASTINGCHIPSIGUESS

IDON'TEVENFUCKINGKNOW

STAYDOWN

FUCKINGHELL

IHAVEAFUCKINGSWORDSOHELPMELORDIWILLSTABYOUWITHITIFYOUDONOTGETTHEFUCKAWAYFROMMERIGHTTHISINSTANT

DIDYOUJUSTFUCKINGKNOCKMYSWORDAWAY

IMDEADIMDEADOHLORDIMDEADIFUCKEDUPIMDEAD

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKINGSHITFUCK

TAKETHEFUCKINGAPPLEJUICEFORALLICAREDONTKILLMEPLEASE

FML

ILEAVEMYWILLTowhat

what

what the hell

how did

why am i

and not on my bed too but on the giant pile of wires of all places

 

 

 

 

it took my fucking apple juice didnt it

 

 

 

 

god damn

 


	25. Anime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot twist

Your name is Jade Harley, and you have just arrived at Seattle, Washington! You get off of the bus quickly, checking to see if you still have all your belongings. Of course you do. You're too responsible to ever lose them!

However, as you walk through Seattle, trying to find the bus that stops at Maple Valley, Washington, there is one thing you haven't considered. It only seems like a minor detail. But when you actually arrive there, the detail seems much more important all of a sudden.

Every year, there is an annual event hosted in Seattle, during the last weeks of March. It is one of the largest and most well-attended events of its kind. Hundreds, no, _thousands_ of people sacrifice time and money to go to this event.

Yes.

It is the Sakura-Con 2006, otherwise known as "that giant anime convention that if you were a teen living in the early 2000s one of your friends probably dragged you to a couple of years ago".

 

You walk through the streets. Wow! The tourism industry sure is booming here! There's people walking around, some lugging suitcases to the nearest hotel, while others walk around in groups and chatter excitedly amongst one another. They all seem to be heading one direction. Out of curiosity, you decide to check out what's going on, because it is going to take at least another hour before the bus arrives at its stop!

 

As you walk nearer to whatever the center of commotion is, you start to notice weird things. It starts with a lady who is walking around in a robot-like costume. You assume that it's for some play or something, and continue on your way. But as you go on, there's even more people in costumes! A couple of princesses hanging out near a café. Some video game character fixing some sort of giant gun. (You wish you owned that giant gun.) There's even people in giant fursuits at one point! For some reason, you felt intrigued by this observation.

You just had more and more questions as you walked on. Was there some sort of costume contest? A national holiday, perhaps? An elaborate prank to confuse and bewilder new-comers arriving in the city? Maybe it was just a regular thing here.

 

You finally stopped at a gigantic building, with a banner hanging from the front. You read it carefully, squinting as you barely made out the words.

 

"Sakura-con".

 

Hm.

 

Huh.

 

Yeah, you had no idea what that was about.

 

You decided to turn back, and go return to the bus stop you had found earlier, when all of a sudden, you heard a zap. A familiar bark. People shouting. Someone's voice. "That's a really good cosplay, holy shit!"

 

You slowly turn around, your face set in exasperation. You know what you're about to see. And you're not looking forward to him.

 

* * *

 

Your name is Becquerel the Great, the Omnipotent, the Almighty and jADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

BARK

 

JADE

 

BARK

 

JADE

 

BARK  
  


GOOD GIRL BEST FRIEND

 

JAd-Now hold on just a second, here. You need to calm yourself down. That excited, out of control thing you just did? That was humiliating. Even if it's been some days since you've seen your owner and sort of adopted puppy, you still need to keep in mind about your appearance towards Jade. One that is reliable, wise, and undisrupted by the slightest cause for excitement.

Besides, you're in public. Do you really want to give this sort of idea of your image to the beings you practically preside as god over?

 

"Bec."

 

Hm? You turn towards the sound of her voice.

 

"Bec, can you not sit on me? Pretty please?"

 

You look down. Oh yes. That. You _had_ leaped at her and licked her face in pure affection for a couple of minutes. She is right underneath you now. Yes.

 

You get off of her as quickly as possible.

 

* * *

 

Oh boy. Any other day you would be excited to see Bec, but you are trying to catch a bus in time and meet one of your best friends! You're pretty certain he's going to teleport you away as soon as he comes to the conclusion to, which could be _any time_ , by the way!!! You can't always know what's going on inside his head.

Also, he's sort of holding a bottle of apple juice in his mouth. What's up with that? Who knows.

Anyway, back to your current problem. Hm . . . if only you could distract him enough to get him away from you . . .

 

Suddenly, you have an idea. You tug on the sleeve of a nearby person. They're dressed as some person with long white hair, and . . . cat ears? Eh.

 

"Excuse me, is there any Wi-Fi around here?"

 

"Huh? Oh yeah! Yeah, there's a signal. You don't need a password to get in, so you can just connect right away."

 

"Oh, okay. Thank you!"

 

You uncaptchalogue your laptop, and immediately start connecting to the signal. It's a pretty weak signal, but a signal nonetheless.

"Uh . . . wait, can I ask you a question?"

 

"Go ahead!"

 

"Um . . . can I . . . can I pet your dog?"

 

You look up from the laptop, then at Bec. He's happily gnawing at the apple juice container, lying down on the ground. You shrug.

 

"Yeah, you can."

 

As Bec immediately rolls over for a belly-scratch, you open up pesterchum, and start pestering a friend.

 

\--gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 5:00 PM\--

GG: hi rose!! :D

GG: can you do me a favor?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an extensive amount of research of anime conventions went into that


	26. END

Your name is John Egbert, and you are returning from a long day of school. A very, very long day of school.

 

Bluh.

 

You're getting off the bus, saying goodbye to your friends, when you see someone swinging on the tire swing on the tree in your front yard.

 

You walk over to them. More specifically, you walk over to the girl with messy black hair and round glasses. She seems to have not noticed you, too focused on trying to swing up as far as she can.

 

"Um, hey!"

 

She looks over at you as you catch her attention.

 

"Who are you?"

 

She gives you a wide grin, then jumps off the swing. She stumbles a bit, but soon regains her balance. Then she faces you, jumping up and down excitedly.

 

"Hi John! You're John, right?"

 

"Uh . . . I guess. Yeah, my name's John."

 

"Happy birthday!"

 

She knows your name AND your birthday.

 

That is weird.

 

"Uh. Thanks. But, um, you didn't answer my question earlier."

 

"Oh! Sorry, that was a little rude. It's me, Jade!"

 

It takes you a couple of seconds to figure it out, but you soon realize who she is.

 

"Wait, Jade? Like gardenGnostic Jade?"

 

"Yep!"

 

". . . How?!"

 

"It's a long story. Like, a really long one."

 

"Did you move or something??"

 

"I wish that was true, but nope! I just came over to visit you to say happy birthday!"

 

"You came over from an island to visit me and say happy birthday."

 

"Uh-huh!"

 

There's silence for a brief moment, then the two of you start laughing.

 

"Oh my gosh, I just realized how dumb that sounded."

 

"A little, yeah! But it's also pretty nice. Like, really nice. It's nice meeting you in person!"

 

"Me too! This is honestly so-"

 

All of a sudden, you hear a loud bark down the street. The two of you look over, and see a giant white dog standing, with green crackles of what looks like electricity surrounding him. Jade groans, walking over to the tree and knocking her head on it.

"I can't believe he came back! Ugh, he can be so annoying sometimes!!"

 

"Um . . . who is-"

 

"That's Bec. My dog. I talked to you about him a couple of times."

 

"You brought your dog with you too?!!"

 

"No, he sort of just teleported himself here. I told Rose to toss some yarn out her window so that he would go away, but he decided to come back here again! He's been doing this the entire trip!! First on the boat, then at the convention, and now here."

 

". . . You're definitely going to have to tell me what happened to you later on."

 

"Yeah, don't worry, I will. Oh wait! I forgot to give you your birthday gift! Quick, here!"

 

She uncaptchalogues a green box, then hands it to you quickly. Bec is now walking down the street casually, towards the two of you.

 

"He's probably going to teleport me back soon! See what I mean by annoying? It was nice seeing you John, goodbye!"

 

She gives you a hug, then takes off, Bec chasing after her. You stand there in complete bewilderment, still holding the box in your hands.

 

Finally, you go inside and up to your room. You take off your backpack, setting it down, and put the box on your desk. You look around for a pair of scissors, find some, and open the box.

 

You move all the wrapping paper aside, and reveal . . .

 

A hammer?

 

You are so confused.

 

Beside the hammer is a note. You pick it up and start reading it.

 

_"Hey John! Happy birthday! You're pretty much the best friend I could ask for, so I went ahead and gave you this! I know, it's weird that I'm giving you a HAMMER of all things on your BIRTHDAY. But! Grandpa told me a long time ago that this hammer would be pretty important! Like, really important. And that I should give it to you before you turn 13 or something. (I don't even know how he knew about you.) He said it would cause a lot of really important stuff to happen in your life. So anyway, here's this hammer!  Enjoy your birthday!"_

 

You take the hammer, turning it over in your hand, nearly dropping it at its weight. You appreciate Jade's gesture, but you really doubt the hammer is anything that important.

 

Right?

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and as we all wait for the epilogue of homestuck, I finally finish my prologue of it
> 
> i had absolutely no motivation to finish this but I felt guilty just leaving it there unclosed
> 
> other than trying to finish this story and the multiple technical difficulties I had while doing so (LIKE THE SIXTEEN FREEZES, ONE COMPUTER CRASH, AND FIVE POPUPS I HAD WHILE WRITING THIS CHAPTER), this was pretty much fun to write! yeah 
> 
> I don't really know if im going to write anymore though 
> 
> we'll see about that
> 
> anyway if you've finished this congratulations!!
> 
> I AM SO PROUD OF YOU


End file.
